Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Thoughts/Prayers Requested

Hey Team,
So I was hoping to be able to write a post about a wonderful new development in my life in the last few days in the form of a new boyfriend. A non-spanko but who I've known most of my life and now knows the whole story and is wonderfully supportive.
Unfortunately some other news has come up which I need to mention first. Not really sure how to start this...

My mom was just diagnosed with cancer this morning.

The prognosis is really good as far as cancer goes. Its anal cancer (my mom of course was like, "of all the fucking cancers to get! I have to get Farrah Faucet disease!" and we all joke that she is so anal retentive that she gave herself cancer) which is very rare, but from the current assessment of the size of her tumor, has an 80% recovery rate. So... that's good.

The treatment is chemo and radiation- surgery is too invasive. They say that the tumor is pretty small, and that they don't think it has spread yet, but they are going to do more test at the end of the week to check about her lymph nodes and other organs in the area. I'm mostly just worried that the treatment is going to be very rough on her. My mom is the strongest person I have ever known- that most people that know her have ever known- and I know she would win the emotional battle. But physically, my mother is a lot smaller than me. She is taller, but she is very thin, and I have a feeling she isn't going to be up for eating much when they are pumping her full of chemicals, and she really doesn't have any weight on her to lose.

I'm not really sure how to feel right now. I'm not crying or anything, and everyone seems to be ok... as ok as I suppose you can be with the news. I'm not scared either... just kinda numb or shocked or... idk. Maybe it hasn't hit us yet. I am sure that it will in the months to come. But there isn't even a tiny part of me that believes I will lose her. I don't know if that is naive or just a safety mechanism, but.... she is my mom, and I'm not ready to lose her. So I'm not going to. She will win this fight...

So, I just wanted to let you all know, and ask that you keep her in your thoughts and/or prayers, and thank you in advance for all your support.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and everyone will have a joyous and safe new year.

Princess Kelley

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas Eve: Picture Post/Life Update

Hey Team,
No real desire to write today. But I want to update something I suppose. I have these AMAZING photos that I've been meaning to share and haven't done so yet and I'm so sorry! Also, Daddy and I started filming again and that is SO exciting, so I will have new stuff up SUPER soon. Actually the one that I finished editing I'm just going to post with no description- like I said not in the mood for writing- but it is HYSTERICAL and so wrong on so many levels- but its Christmas-y so I suppose I need to make it available for sale before x-mas. Its called Naughty Reindeer, Bad Santa... and yes... its as ridiculous as that title makes it sound like its going to be.

Also, some other fun videos, and I filmed a video for Daddy's new site which will be launching (hopefully) soon-ish called Spanking 101 The Book (he wrote this crazy huge and awesome 4 part book on spanking, and the site came from that). I'm going to be a featured model on the site, and I will be exclusive to there and my own things of course. I'm also going to be able to sell my DVD's from his site, so I'm very excited about that. I honestly had forgotten how much fun it can be to film, and I'm glad to be doing it again. Just need to make sure to not get so wrapped up in it and the emotional drama this time :).

SO photos! :) These were taken and edited by the AMAZING and wonderful Adam. He and his gorgeous wife Shay met with me and Paul before the last party, and we had just the most fun time ever! They are actually coming back down for New Years and I am BEYOND excited! :) Shay is going to film for both Paul and myself and I'm so looking forward to it.

I am so thrilled with these photos, so here is a sneak peak- more will be posted soon! I had a bit of drama over the enemy and Daddy and my blog and fetlife, and how "public" our relationship is, and her desire to fuck me over at every turn yadayada, and I got really upset and was writing a far more honest and more blunt and angrier post than I think anyone wants me to write about the situation...

I'm not posting it obviously (that disagreement has passed and as much as I hate Sarah, I'm not looking to hurt my Daddy), but writing it, and just the feelings associated with knowing that people who really shouldn't be here reading, are here and are telling her and others every single thing I write is annoying. I'm proud of my blog and everything I've ever written, and I have always said, and will always say, if you don't like what I have to say, you can go fuck yourself. But she causes drama for Paul/Daddy and that causes drama for me, and I would sometimes rather be drama free than right.

But for the record, Sarah, if you are here, leave. You shouldn't be here. Paul doesn't want you here, I don't want you here, and all you are doing is making yourself unhappy. Paul is my Daddy and lover and I am his babygirl. You don't have to like it, or even think about it. I don't like to think about your existence either. But if you don't want to think about it, then you should stop going places and doing things that you know will remind you and make you upset!

(for those who weren't aware, and apparently there are some people, "the Enemy" is Sarah Gregory. And to answer the questions, yes she is a lesbian, yes its complicated and confusing, no I don't understand it, no Paul won't just leave her. May I also please request that the comments be free of gossip and mean spirited talk. I chose not to use her name normally not to protect her but rather bc I'm not in the mood for that kind of drama. All I try to do is talk about my life, not gossip. And despite my general disdain for her as a person, I don't want to malign her publicly too often, nor do I want to hurt her business.

Also, talk like that just brings out the trolls. Feel free to tell me in an email, but lets keep the boards free of targeted mudslinging.

Ok, wow that felt good to write, and sorry that was not originally going to be the purpose of this post, but I guess I needed to get that out there.

Ok, picture time! lol :)

I hope that everyone is having a wonderful holiday season this year wherever you may be, and let this be a very merry Merry Christmas HUG from me to you. *HUGS* lol

Princess Kelley

Monday, December 12, 2011

To Anyone Else Who is Struggling Too....

Its been a good week, and I'm happy I guess. Missing Paul (he's out of town with the Enemy), but busy with work. Just feeling very very very heavy and really struggling with my eating disorder (which has now been classified as an Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified b/c I don't purge anymore). I just want it to be done. To be healthy. And it is more frustrating than I can explain that I just am not.

So for some inspiration (thanks to Demi Lovato for recommending this song- I am a few years older than her base, so I don't know much about her as a star, but I have come to respect her so much for her open struggle with ED and with cutting.)
This is a Christian song, and I'm not really Christian, but I do believe in a strong person relationship with God, and I don't think I ever thought about how that impacted my view of myself. But these lyrics if I really think about them, move me to tears:

I want to hear You say,
Who I am is quite enough.
Just want to be worthy of love 
And beautiful.

Princess Kelley

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Party Tonight

Hey guys! Anyone near north Texas tonight, Bottoms Up is having its Christmas party tonight! If you are interested in coming either contact me or Paul tubaman Rogers before 7!

Sorry for such late notice!



Princess Kelley