So I was hoping to be able to write a post about a wonderful new development in my life in the last few days in the form of a new boyfriend. A non-spanko but who I've known most of my life and now knows the whole story and is wonderfully supportive.
Unfortunately some other news has come up which I need to mention first. Not really sure how to start this...
My mom was just diagnosed with cancer this morning.
The prognosis is really good as far as cancer goes. Its anal cancer (my mom of course was like, "of all the fucking cancers to get! I have to get Farrah Faucet disease!" and we all joke that she is so anal retentive that she gave herself cancer) which is very rare, but from the current assessment of the size of her tumor, has an 80% recovery rate. So... that's good.
The treatment is chemo and radiation- surgery is too invasive. They say that the tumor is pretty small, and that they don't think it has spread yet, but they are going to do more test at the end of the week to check about her lymph nodes and other organs in the area. I'm mostly just worried that the treatment is going to be very rough on her. My mom is the strongest person I have ever known- that most people that know her have ever known- and I know she would win the emotional battle. But physically, my mother is a lot smaller than me. She is taller, but she is very thin, and I have a feeling she isn't going to be up for eating much when they are pumping her full of chemicals, and she really doesn't have any weight on her to lose.
I'm not really sure how to feel right now. I'm not crying or anything, and everyone seems to be ok... as ok as I suppose you can be with the news. I'm not scared either... just kinda numb or shocked or... idk. Maybe it hasn't hit us yet. I am sure that it will in the months to come. But there isn't even a tiny part of me that believes I will lose her. I don't know if that is naive or just a safety mechanism, but.... she is my mom, and I'm not ready to lose her. So I'm not going to. She will win this fight...
So, I just wanted to let you all know, and ask that you keep her in your thoughts and/or prayers, and thank you in advance for all your support.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and everyone will have a joyous and safe new year.