Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 1 of Sex, Drugs, and Bicycling

Disclaimer: I do not condone or encourage the use of any sort of recreational drug when they are illegal. Nothing morally wrong with pot, just not necessarily the best life choice especially since it can get you arrested. It won't make you cool, and nobody likes a dead-beat stoner. 

While Daddy and I were going through his things in preparation for the estate sale, we found a TON of old photos and ephemera from the 1960s. A lot of the photos were Daddy's (I especially loved the boy scout troop pictures for some reason- that and the amazing WWII photos of his and her parents), but much of it belonged to his late wife, Lynn, who was an amazing lady, but a bit of a hoarder.

Anyway, in an old wallet of hers from when she was in middle school (!) we found an old library card that made me extremely happy, and a hand written copy and a type writer copy of one of those quizzes that when you're young you send around on email asking your friends to fill out and score (Francesca has since explained to me that chain mail used to be in the actual mail, thus they existed before the internet). I thought it was amazing that we still do the exact same type of thing, but far more hardcore. Today's might read "how many boys have you kissed? How many guys have you given head to? Have you ever watched porn?" The 1960's version went more like "how many boys have you kissed? Have you ever necked while both girl and boy were in PJs? Have you petted above the waist? Has a boy ever made you (word that apparently meant horny in the 1960s but I now can't remember)?"

So fun fact about me, other than watching a lot of porn (which was not on this quiz- too taboo even for that context!) and buying a couple sex toys and learning to masturbate, I had done NOTHING sexual until college. I had my first kiss post graduation at the age of 18. So for fun, I took the quiz as my 17 year old self, and then as my 19 year old self. As a 17 year old, my quiz score labeled me as "A total square!" (less than 10 points). My 19 year old self however was on the other end. I will try to remember the labels on the list but I do distincly remember the last one, which was after the equivalent of total slut: "You lied." lol :)

So all that to say, it should come to no surprise to anyone that knows me that I had never done any sort of drug before two days ago, and that I still have never done any illegal drug. I didn't drink until I got to college (not for any moral high ground- just didn't like the taste, and I wanted to be different than other people), and after making it through middle school and high school without ever smoking weed, I kinda figured, why start now? And the pot scene at my school wasn't very large. Alcohol was plenty. Plus, I hate cigarette smokers, and for a long time in my life thought I was asthmatic (actually was related to my panic attacks).

So when my brother and I discovered that we were going to be in Amsterdam together (he is on an around the world trip and was passing through Europe at the same time I arrived in Amsterdam to start my trip), we started to think about what we could do while there. We really wanted to bond, and are trying to spend more time together and strengthen our relationship, and this seemed like a really good opportunity. Small problem. Amsterdam is good for 3 things for me: Sex, Drugs, and Art (well four if you count Tulips, but they aren't in season). I love sex and art. I assume my brother is a fan of sex as well, but of course we had NO desire to do look at sex shops and the like Together. And neither one of us does drugs. And so while I (the art history major whose entire trip is basically cathedral/museum/castel/cathedral/museum/repeat) could have been happy with 3 days of art and simply dissapointed that I didn't get to do the fun sex stuff, he would not has as much fun, and it wouldn't have given us the opportunity for the epic bonding stuff.

So drugs it is!

He messaged me a couple months ago saying that he thought we should do shrooms together and then go to a museum. One of his good friends had done it, and he just listened to a podcast on shrooms and their drug properties and felt confident in the safety. As he put it, "I'm not looking to do anything absurdly stupid here Kelley." I thought, that sounds fun. Then you'll leave and I'll go back and say "Oh! That's what that was." But I was also thinking, "Oh dear god, what have I gotten myself into!"

So after doing my own research, which involved talking to as many people as I could that I know do drugs what they thought, and all who know me well replied to shrooms with a unanimous "NO!" (My favorite was Francesca who mentioned that given my general hatred towards post-impressionism that if I was high and saw a painting I didn't like I might get really upset and end up on a bad trip.) Then one suggested that I seemed like someone who would enjoy pot the most. I can't do any stimulant (I don't even drink coffee) or I have panic attacks. Narcotics make me vomit. I am a generally anxious person, and I hate feeling nauseous. Pot was a logical and easy choice.

I still wasn't sure if I was going to do it (and I don't think he was either) when I got there, but on day one I was so jetlagged. On all my previous trips I have no idea what happened the first day because I was so deliriously tired that I don't remember. So I didn't want to do any of the things I REALLY wanted to see that day, and I knew we would both want to pass out by 9 (he just flew in from Asia) and my time in Amsterdam had recently been cut a day short so I was crunched for time. It had been drizzling all day, and the sun was finally coming out. I thought it was supposed to rain for the next two days. We just finished the Anne Frank House and I really wanted to go to Vondelpark, so I declared, "Lets go to a coffee shop (to buy weed) and then go smoke in the park! Two birds, one stone!"

So to my brother's surprise and I think a bit of pride in me, I busted out my Rick Steves guidebook and found us the best place to buy, and we headed off on our bikes. (Yes, where and how to smoke in Amsterdam is in the Rick Steves. Part of why I did it, and part of why I love Rick Steves.)

To be continued (with conclusion of drugs and then sex sex sex sex and sex!)

xoxo Princess Kelley


  1. Just a note: but before I do glad you had a good time and looking forward to hearing about the rest of it in the further installments;
    It is a common myth that pot is legal in Amsterdam when in fact it is not. Yes, there are several places that sell it and as there has been a long standing policy of non enforcement adopted it has never been legalized. There exists a state of non enforcement and decriminalization but you can still be charged. The importance of knowing is that if you buy and use nothing will happen but if you get in trouble be aware of the actual laws not the popular myth.

    A Moro

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