So as some of you may have noticed from the comments section on the most recent post, or by my new friendship status on fetlife, I am no longer classifying Sarah as the enemy.
We started messaging back and forth about a week ago now, and speaking really honestly with each other. It started out as a practical matter regarding organizational things for All State, but quickly turned to more personal matters. We both were able to put aside our visceral distaste for the other, and in doing so, quickly humanized the other. I know that Paul and others had told me she wasn't a bad person... but there are some things you just need to experience and come to terms with on your own.
She and I have realized that the things we fault each other for were things that knowing the whole story, make sense. Everything I did and said was based on my understanding of the situation, and I know understand that the things she did and said that I was so hurt by, given what her knowledge was at the time, were totally understandable. We both made mistakes along the way as well, and in general disagree on the best way to handle conflict, but we have come to forgive the other for things that were out of either of our control.
Personally, I have come to realize that (my therapists were right, lol) I really like not hating her. It makes my life a lot easier, and takes a huge weight off of me. I mean, its not like she is my favorite person ever, and chances are that due to both of our extreme competitiveness we will never be able to be truly close friends, but by giving up that hate, I have given up all the power she had over me... and that has been a wonderful thing. Being able to be better in control of my own emotions. And I am also personally very proud of both of us for managing to have such continued conversation without any outside influence, and without reverting into cattiness or bitchiness. I know I have had to stop myself on a few occasions, as I am sure so has she, and so yeah, I am proud of us.
I believe in my heart that Paul's lies were always meant to protect one or the other of us, and I have forgiven him for them. I was introduced to the real truth farther back than she was, and was forced to come to terms with the parts of the truth that aren't happy good things for me a while ago. I went through my crying and hurt and angry phase. She is still coming to terms with the truths she wasn't told, but I have hope for the future. I have hope that she will accept that he loves me and accept him having us both as his babygirls.... but those things are her decision, and she is still processing.
Regardless, we have been able to come together over All-State and are both working hard to make it the best party ever. I am still working on the website- I just gave up and passed out yesterday (was feeling way overworked and way under-appreciated to be honest) but today I will get back on it and make more changes and corrections.
I will inform y'all as more comes up, but since I have never been one to hide my life from my readers... actually I am pretty sure the entire point of this blog was originally for me to share my life, so yeah, you're kinda stuck with that, lol. But I for one look forward to less drama. It was Paul and my one year anniversary last week, and it has seemed rather fitting that this next year is starting off hopefully with the closing of the last year's negativity.
So here's to love and peace and friendship, and to a better future.