I just finished taking my history midterm and am about to start my government one in 40 minutes. I'm woefully underprepared but have freaked out enough and just can't make any more happen than is going to. I'm kinda having a bit of an existential crisis today. I had to leave lunch right in the middle (on a day that I'm on clean up duty) and just went into the library and cried. I just feel off and I don't know why which just makes it so much worse. I think part of me is homesick. Part of me is stressed from midterms. Part of me is stressed from constantly having to speak in a foreign language and having little time, and commuting, and living with these goddamn people who every day you are forced to sit with and make idle conversation about the weather and weekend plans as though the other person actually cares. Part of me is stressed because it just hit me that I'm going to be in Belgium tomorrow and then France for a week and other than buying the tickets and knowing where I'm staying, I haven't done shit to prepare. Part of it is that I miss this world. I miss my ex so much lately, and that's just not good. I miss being spanked. I miss being in love. I miss sex. I miss that giddy feeling you get when you first fall for someone. I miss having time to think and contemplate my life. I miss chatting with ya'll. I miss my friends from school. I miss blogging! I miss so much of it and yet I'm so happy here. I love the family I'm with. I love this country and I love my life. Today is just a bad day.
I have 4 updates lined up- all of which I started last week. I apologize for my lameness this month. I hope to get some stuff done for ya'll in transit during spring break. I really do miss you guys and I am going to get back out into the dating/playing scene soon I think. I just can't take it any longer. At the very least I just need to freaking flirt with somebody!
Anywho, thanks for listening to me rant. Sorry for the angst and moodiness. I promise I'll be back to my normal self soon. I love ya'll