Mommy had another stroke yesterday at 5AM. She hasn't woken up yet. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. I don't know if I can keep it together. I dont' know what I'd do if I lost her.... what I'd do with my baby sister. I can't take care of her by myself- and I honestly don't think I could ever look at her the same way... without thinking of our Mommy.
Jen (Mommy's oldest daugther who is 41) says shes'll keep me updated, but she's so bitchy b/c she's overstressed and overwhelmed but she's THERE and i want to be there! I want to hold her hand and MAKE her wake up! I want to talk to the doctors myself!
I just spent ALL of last week with Mommy. She took care of me literally in the middle of the night when I would cry out for her b/c I was sick (I'm finally feeling a bit better today- the prognosis was the flu and bronchitis by the way- horrible horrible week). And now she's just not there.
And the last thing I said to her was not the nicest thing- I was frustrated b/c her computer wasn't working and she wasn't telling me something. And I'm just so fucking stressed out about all of my school I'm behind on and my baby sister and being sick and I just need my freaking Daddy to get his act together and get back online! Or better his ass down here! I don't think I can do this by myself. I'm trying so hard to keep it together (b/c of course we're not telling the sick baby that Mommy had a stroke and heart surgery last week and another stroke yesterday) but of course she knows something's wrong if for no other reason than that mommy isn't here right now!
I'm terrified that I'll never have gotten to hear her voice.....