Thursday, July 21, 2011

Bad Day: Needing to Escape

(Update: Just fyi, this is what my doctor would probably call a "depressive episode." I realize that I have a wonderful life and so many things to be grateful for. But that can overshadow the feeling right now that all I want to do is walk away from it all... even this... and just curl in a ball.... haven't felt this shaken in months... I hadn't missed it.)

God damn hormones.

Somedays, I hate being a woman.

It has been a rough day- just really emotional for some reason, and just feeling... off... and then my friend found an abandoned cat that has cancer and I just started crying because I don't the kitty to die, but I don't want it to suffer, and I want it to know it was loved, and it was just too much... just feeling really.. "little." Its a headspace I go to, where I really feel like I'm 8. That's about how strong I'm feeling today.

"I went to bed on top of the world, today the world's on top of me.
Everybody got opinions, they share, they ain't been in my position, they don't care
But it breaks my heart when I hear what they, have to say about me."
(He still loves me, from Fighting Temptations)

So then I went and watched last night's so you think you can dance, and it was a wonderful escape. But then I came back, and checked all my emails and I checked the sites that I've been doing stuff on lately, and I went to spankingtube, where I went ahead and posted that preview clip. And its been viewed like 1000 times, but it has a rating of 3, and there are all these just thousands of other clips, some good some bad, mostly just.. eh... and I mean my first video from 2 years ago is 5 stars and 100k views... and I know this clip was only rated by like 4 people so far, so maybe its just someone who doesn't like me or something went and rated it, but it just hurts you know? Its like I put something out there, so I understand that people can have an opinion. But its something that not only am I extremely proud of, but something that I just, I thought people would enjoy....

...I just want to be back home. I just want to be in my Daddy's arms. I don't want to be in this stupid apartment by myself. And I don't want to be working this job, no matter how good it will look on my resume anymore. I don't care about what I'm doing, and it just sucks the life from me. I just want to cry.... I just need a spanking... I need to get it out... and I need Daddy to pick me up and hold me so the world will melt away... the world needs to melt away....


just let it go away... just for a little bit.... just til I'm ok...



  1. Jesus, I usually never comment on spanking blogs or anything, but you made an emotional post on the exact night I'm feeling pretty depressed and emotional myself.

    I can't help you with the cat, or needing a spanking. But I can say that you shouldn't take the spankingtube thing too personally. In the video you posted, you only got about 12 spanks in a 55 second clip. I feel that people tend to feel "ripped off" (however irrational that may seem) when they view a slow clip like that.

    It's likely that the only people who took the time to rate the video were these people. Honestly, I felt like normally a video like the one you posted would have gotten an even lower score, so people on that site must like you. =) Don't let that stop you from posting longer clips in the future though!

    Good luck,
    -A fellow spanko

  2. It's a little late as you are feeling better now, but I thought I'd add to what the person above said. I've noticed a tendency on spankingtube and similar sites that some people complain about milder spankings, and so rate them down accordingly. Last time I looked your clip was up to 4 stars, so its recovered its status a bit, however you shouldn't take it to heart that people are rating it lower, because there is a certain class of person out there that wouldnt be happy with a clip unless you were getting the crap beaten out of you.

    Having bought and watched the full clip, I can assure you that any real fan of yourself or spanking in general would rate it 5 stars, because it really looks like you were enjoying yourself in that one.