I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in almost a week! I didn't realize it'd been so long. Next time that happens someone just threaten to spank me and I'll pay attention ;). Promise.
So, I've been meaning to write this for a few days now, and I'm glad I'm finally getting it done. I'm so sorry that it took me so long to respond to people's comments- I really do love getting them, and whenever I get an email saying i have one I get so excited, lol, its really sad. Anywho, I've responded in the comments below, and I'm responding to a couple here.
Bonnie, Jean Marie, and a few other private emailers have asked me if I'd ever consider being a spanking model, and I thought that since I'd been asked so much (which has been so incredibly flattering) that I'd just responded to everyone here.
Honestly, I really wish that I could give a definitive answer to the question, but its a bit more complicated than just a yes or a no. Have I ever thought about it or wanted to? HELLS YES. I mean, I used to dream about stuff like this, and for sure I've fantasized about it a lot in the last few years. Like Bonnie said, I love spanking, and love a lot of these sites/people and want to get involved, clearly I love the attention and I mean, who wouldn't want to get paid to do what they love? I know I certainly would love it.
Another part of it I think might actually be that I just want the attention, and more specifically that I just want people to be able to think I could be a spanking model. I always joke with my friends that I wanted to be a stripper when I was younger, but really what I wanted was to be pretty enough to be a stripper. I wanted people to think I was beautiful- something I have never thought myself to be- to the point that they would pay to see me undressed. I know that seems kinda twisted and wrong, but its just who I am. I'm very insecure, and I've had body image issues for a long time, and all of this--- its just been such a change in my life. I mean, I for sure question whether or not I'd be sucessful as a spanking model- I mean I'm quite a bit heavier than almost anyone in the scene- but I honestly am so flattered that people think I would be good at it. Granted, in the aspect of I can sorta act, I love attention, I'm moderately photogenic, and I can take, and LOVE a good hard spanking- I'd make a great spanking model, lol. But I....this train of thought is starting to make no sense so I'm going to start an new paragraph. lol
Pretty much, I really really really would LOVE to be a spanking model. Its been something I've been fantasizing about for years. And I worry that as I get older, and the opportunity passes me by (I mean I am turing 20 in about a week!) I'll regret that this was something that I wanted, and possibly could have had and just didn't go after when I had the chance. But at the same time I worry that if I do do this, I could end up regretting that for the rest of my life.
I'm terrified for people to know. For it to get out. For it to hurt my family or my future. I mean, I would have to leave my school if it got out on facebook or something like that. And I could never be in politics or anything in the spotlight (not that that is necessarily something I'm looking to do). I mean, the privacy thing is the same part of like why I took pictures with my face off of this site. If I modeled, my face would be everywhere. And part of me wants that! I want to put pictures with my face up on this site. I don't want to be afraid. I want to be able to do all of this, but I'm so worried that it could hurt me or my family.
So in the end, I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. Most people that I'm close to tell me not to, that its not worth the risk. But I just don't know. If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom or personal stories to share, I'm so open to them, and grateful for them.
I want to live my life so that I have no regrets. I don't want to look back and wish I'd done something. And I know that if I don't do this, that's how I feel. But I also know I could end up regretting doing it as well.
Ok, so that's the long answer. lol. Sorry. Just wanted to put it out there. I'm going to write another post tomorrow morning, and hmmm.... I think I'm going to put the topic to a vote. The winner will be written. (now i'm just silently praying that someone comments before tomorrow morning so that I don't look like a complete fool.)
Hm...the choices are
- The Day Of Reckoning (the story of my worst spanking ever),
- Daddy Little Girl (just a Daddy/little girl story/musings that Daddy and I hope to act out)
- My thoughts on roleplay/costumes,
- My thoughts and Theories on Exposure
- How Medieval and Renessaince Faire people and the S&M scene oddly interact
All of these will be written evenutally- one hopes, lol. And also, these are the only things left on the docket ya'll, so more suggestions are highly encouraged!!!!
Love you guys!