So I know that I've mentioned my new clips4sale site things a bagillion times on here (and I'm honestly going to keep doing it when I update, just so people know there is new stuff if they want it) and I don't want to become some corporate sell out, but I just uploaded a couple new videos (3rd and maybe 4th are on the way soon) from this past weekend (which was spectacular), and one of them I thought would be of particular interest to my blog readers, so I thought I would post the description I wrote and a little note about it here. The other ones are fun role-plays, but this was real discipline, and something ya'll can relate to.
Real Discipline: Self Worth
So this is by far the most personal and most intense scene posted on here. For those of you who know me through my blog or personally you probably know that I struggle with body image issues. I am a recovered bulimic, and so things like this are of great importance in my life.
Like most women, I talk badly about my body almost daily, but when I'm around a good top, this is obviously not tolerated, and Paul is certainly not an exception to that rule. However, in addition to talking bad about my body (in thought, writing, and speaking) this spanking was about my general feelings of self worth.
Quite a bit of money was spent flying him to see me, in addition to my videos only recently being launched, and I was feeling like I wasn't worth any of the money that people were spending on me. I (stupidly) told this to Paul. He did not take too kindly to that.
In addition to being incredibly personal, this video is just floor to ceiling spanking. There is scolding and there are kind words, but he just blisters my bare, already tender, ass from start to finish. And it was hurting even more than normal. Last week, when I thought I wouldn't be getting a spanking this weekend, I decided to exfoliate (!), meaning my bottom was just dying this weekend. But I needed help getting the "ick" out. So Paul spanks and spanks, even though I'm sobbing about how much it hurts, to help me get all of those feelings of ick and self loathing out of my system. He has to lighten up a bit at one point in fact bc I needed more, but I just couldn't take as hard as he was giving.
The most ironic part of all of this is that I think I am most beautiful in this video. I am fully nude, draped across his lap, my hair down, and I'm just really pleased with the way this turned out. I'm honestly glad to have the video for myself for when I need it as a reminder, even if I weren't to post it here, but I hope that you all can enjoy as well- I'm sure many of you can either relate bc of another woman, or bc you know me well enough that you'll cheer. :)
The note that I wanted to add here was that I am sorry for all of the times that I put myself down. I know I do it all the time (a will always remember a comment I got last year that said he wasn't sure if I was capable of posting photos without putting myself down when I did it) and I'm sure it gets annoying if not frustrating. This is definitely something I struggle with, and I have been spanked many a time before for similar issues, so some people might look and think, oh, she's clearly not learning anything. But I just want to say that is not the case. Every single swat I've gotten in response to me putting myself down has helped me. It shows me that the top is both paying attention and caring. That he "won't let anyone say bad things about the person he loves." And every single comment I've gotten here either about that or just saying something kind has helped as well. I may not always believe it, but I am getting better. I promise I am :). So thank you all for being kind, and for caring, and for... well... everything :)