Tuesday, September 29, 2009

True Colors

I just got effectively dumped via text message. Apparently I'm "too much drama" so he and I (who mind you were just friends to begin with- though this man was the last man in this city that I trusted, and someone that I was really counting on especially during this moment) "won't be hanging out again."
That's all he said. VIA TEXT MESSAGE!!!!! and he won't say anything else.
My Mommy just died a week ago, I just started my period, am recovering from the fucking swine flu, and have never grieved before and you're telling me I'm "too much drama" to have lunch with!!!! ITS FUCKING LUNCH!?!!

Sigh, I know I'm drama. And I drive everyone away. I should start making notches. This is the fourth man that has not been a boyfriend or someone I've dated, that has run away like this. "Friends." Just more proof that men are pigs. And that I am going to die alone.

I am a Daddy's girl at heart. I might be my Mommy's girl right now, and will forever be Hers, but deep down, I'm a Daddy's girl. But I swear, ya'll are ridiculous. Someone died- its going to be dramatic!

So normally I would never do this- bash someone on my blog- but I think this is a special circumstance. Plus I just need to fucking vent. So you know who you are, if you're reading this, you're a jerk. Even my ex- that guy that you hate and so does everyone else- never would have hurt me during this time. HE called me when he found out. HE worries about me still. You couldn't bother to give me a hug b/c you were too afraid you couldn't control yourself. I would have said I loved you- not in love, but i definitely cared about you that much. I love you, and you do this. I thought you were the good guy. The guy that always made me smile. The one good one left. But I was clearly wrong. How typical.

I guess the saying is right. Its in our darkest moments that those in our life show their true colors. Everyone here that has been so supportive, I can not thank you enough. I guess these moments tell us who our real friends are. Those that offer anything and everything they have, even if its just an ear- or feet to go get a prescription filled when your sick. Not those that say, wow sorry, that sucks, and then run the other direction.

Princess Kelley

Monday, September 21, 2009

She's Gone.

I dont' know what to do. I've never lost someone before.
I can't do this.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Devastating News

Mommy had another stroke yesterday at 5AM. She hasn't woken up yet. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. I don't know if I can keep it together. I dont' know what I'd do if I lost her.... what I'd do with my baby sister. I can't take care of her by myself- and I honestly don't think I could ever look at her the same way... without thinking of our Mommy.
Jen (Mommy's oldest daugther who is 41) says shes'll keep me updated, but she's so bitchy b/c she's overstressed and overwhelmed but she's THERE and i want to be there! I want to hold her hand and MAKE her wake up! I want to talk to the doctors myself!
I just spent ALL of last week with Mommy. She took care of me literally in the middle of the night when I would cry out for her b/c I was sick (I'm finally feeling a bit better today- the prognosis was the flu and bronchitis by the way- horrible horrible week). And now she's just not there.
And the last thing I said to her was not the nicest thing- I was frustrated b/c her computer wasn't working and she wasn't telling me something. And I'm just so fucking stressed out about all of my school I'm behind on and my baby sister and being sick and I just need my freaking Daddy to get his act together and get back online! Or better his ass down here! I don't think I can do this by myself. I'm trying so hard to keep it together (b/c of course we're not telling the sick baby that Mommy had a stroke and heart surgery last week and another stroke yesterday) but of course she knows something's wrong if for no other reason than that mommy isn't here right now!
I'm terrified that I'll never have gotten to hear her voice.....
Princess Kelley

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Bad News

I'm sick.

Like Really sick. Like I think I have H1N1 (horrible cough, fever, ect plus its all over my school). It just started yesterday, so we'll see. :(

Worse news.
Mommy had a minor stroke yesterday. She was fine last night- talking and could type and stuff. But she went into surgery this morning. Her adult daughter (Jen) messaged me saying the surgery went well and she's in recovery and doing great. All good news. But still. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!!?

Other worse news.
My baby sister's sick again. After 2 months of having a fever over 102, we finally got her well last week. And now of course yesterday her fever was up again! And she's coughing. Meaning she also has H1N1, or just some other god for saken infection.

Just thought I'd let ya'll know. And a message to any man that has ever been "Daddy" to me: I WANT MY DAAAADDDDYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Princess Kelley

Monday, September 14, 2009

Mouth Soaping

Mommy is going to wash my mouth out tonight!!! :(





I've never had my mouth washed out, and let me say, I am NOT looking foward to it. How have I managed to go this long without having my mouth washed out, especially considering my sailoresqe vocabulary? Well somehow I managed to be with the 3 men who didn't really care for mouth soaping. Edward threatened ALL the time, but NEVER followed through, and I never thought he would. M- never threatened, never did. But I mean, come on. He was a student too- not like he was the "daddy" type. John...John just never threatened either. He spanked me for swearing and for lying...and then there was this one time that he started to think that a mouth soaping would be appropriate for all those occasions that my naughty mouth got me into trouble, but again, it never happened.


Its not like there aren't a ton of people who have threatened to and had they been able to get there hands on me would have! Lol, I always assumed my tendency towards profanity would get me in more trouble than anything. Lol, but it is the thing I use when I just need a scolding. Nothing is quite as easy as when i'm talking with a top, to just go off like "fuck the fucking fuckers!" to get the desired "Young lady!" response. :D


But I never actually WANTED to have my mouth washed out!!!! Did I have a morbid fascination? Absolutely. But do I want it to happen? NO! POUT!!! Mommy has threatened before, and given me warnings, and she washed my baby sister's mouth out just last week. But I didn't swear!... I lied. A Big lie. An ugly lie, that makes me feel kinda ashamed. But it was to a proffesor... ok, I won't make excuses. It was bad and I deserve to be punished. BUT I DON"T WANT MY MOUTH WASHED OUT!!!!!


Sigh, I guess that's why she's doing it. She's just a Mommy. Not a spanko. She doesn't want me to enjoy it. I'm supposed to learn a lesson and never be that naughty again. But its not faaaaaiiiiiiirrrrrrrr!!!!! :( I mean its hard enough to self spank! I'm not sure I will be able to summon enough will power to put soap on my tongue!.. She said this time won't be That bad. This is just going to suck, but won't be anything compared to what will happen if I do it again.


Sigh. I'm curious as to what you guys think about mouth soaping, or appropriate punishments for potty mouths and lying. I know that I've gotten threatened with it enough that Some people do it.... I just wish it wasn't to ME!


Princess Kelley

Friday, September 11, 2009

Dear Francesca and Clarisse

(and all my wonderful readers whom some of you might understand some of this),

OMG I CAN”T BELIEVE YOU’VE BEEN READING MY BLOG THIS WHOLE TIME!!!! ROTFLMAO, I’m SOOO glad!!!! You are so right, you just can’t get enough from Facebook. I’m just not on there enough anymore. I’m so sorry that I’ve been a bad friend to both of you really and everyone here too. I just got overwhelmed with everything and somedays I just want to turn off the fucking computer! Lol, and I got a FABULOUS tv in my room with dvr and cable so like all my free time is spent with me and Leroy Jethro Gibbs (aka the Mark Harmon, aka the star of NCIS).

Clarisse I need my roomie back!!!! My single is fabulous though. I actually have quite a lot of space, all things considered. But as you have always said, I have way too much shit! Lol, I’m actually going to ship a couple boxes home- I have no idea how I’m going to live off two suitcases like you did! Oh! And the application stuff is almost finished for Italy. Spring break you and I are living it up in France!!! But yeah, I miss you. Like the other week I went out to dinner with Emery (my first bf- guy from the accapella group Freshman year) and I was getting dressed and started to turn around to be like, “how do I look” and no one was there! Who is going to tell me I look trashy now! Lol.

Oh and Club Lau was last weekend! Haha! Dance party in the library! WOOOOO!!!!!
Francesca, omg, you need to tell me about your date! Was it with the New Orleans guy? The spanko? I want details!!! And I miss you like crazy! I’m glad we talked the other day. Oh and btw, if skype says I’m on and yet I don’t’ respond, its because I’m on with my baby sister all night- it helps her not have nightmares, so I’m probably just asleep :(.

The accapella group had auditions this past week. We got this one girl who was RIDICULOUS!! AND she’s my type. Red head. Kinda petite. Beautiful eyes. Fabulous ass. OH and a voice from God. Did her looks affect my decision making process? Most likely. Do I care. No. Lol. We were there for 5 hours on Friday, 8 hours on Sunday, and 6 hours on Wednesday! Oh and that other group (that shall not be named on this blog) they are being total bitches and trying to steal her and this other girl we took! Its total drama.

In other Kelley news, Jonathon (“daddy”) and I are still kinda together- well he’s still Daddy and still wonderful. But he’s starting to date this vanilla…and its making me really sad. But I’m trying to not let it get to me. I also haven’t been spanked or like cuddled in TWO MONTHS!!! I’m going INSANE. Like absolutely insane. I’m hoping Rich (great guy in the area- about Edward’s age- just strictly friends, but he's like the perfect Daddy type- strong, kind, caring) will pull through for me this weekend though and I can break that dry spell.

The biggest development though is my new “little sister.” Her name is Deb and she’s almost 17. DON”T FREAK OUT!!! Lol, she’s not a spanko. She’s just a girl that has had beyond a tough life (sexually abused as a child- dad died, mother doesn’t want her, etc) and needs some structure…its so complicated. But all I have to say is that Its NOT SEXUAL. She is my baby sister and I just want to wrap her up in a blanket and protect her from the world. She’s in Florida though, but we skype and talk every day. I will explain more about her later.

Also in that realm there is the development of MaryEllen or now “mommy.” Yes you heard that right. Also not sexual. Which is just SOO weird. She was Deb’s live in nurse for a year or so and now lives in a different state, but still takes care of Deb as best she can. I met her when she was grilling me about who the hell I was talking to her baby girl, and over the last couple months she has adopted me as her own as well. Lol, she’s really funny, and I think you both would like her a lot. She’s like literally the exact opposite of both John and my mother.

Speaking of John…. I’m still in love with him, and its kinda an issue. Not like a huge one- it doesn’t affect me most days…but sometimes it like comes in waves and its pretty tough. He called last week though which was unexpected and we talked for like an hour! And it was GREAT! Which of course made it SO much harder. Sigh. I love it when he’s that man I fell in love with- but sometimes its easier when he’s Mr. Hyde. Mainly I just miss him though.

Oh, and also, a great thing that has developed out of my relationship with my baby sister (she calls me Sissy, btw), is that suddenly I’m having to be the responsible one. Suddenly I’m the one that has to be strong and mature, and I think its good for me. The hard part somedays is though that its like the reverse of me and John. Some days I just am tired and want some time by myself, but she’ll have been waiting all day trying to be a good girl for me b/c she just wants to hang out. And so now I feel what John felt, but I also know exactly how she feels…sigh, I call her my mini me (she’s bulimic, makes jewelry, sings, loves art, is an artist, intense, emotional, even looks like me).

Ok, so school update- classes started the Wednesday before last and I’m already behind- no surprise there. Lol, I’m actually in the library right now. No joke. My single is like NOT conducive to work at all! I’m in one of the 3rd floor cubicles. You know I’m a 3rd floor girl Clarisse! :) So it seems to even write blog posts, I have to go to the library. :) I’m going to try to catch up on some reading from this week though, b/c I really need to whip my GPA back into shape after last semester.

Ok, this is officially really long, so I’m going to go now- please feel free to respond on here or facebook or email- I want life updates! I miss you both so much!!!! And I love that I can kinda share this part of my life with ya’ll too. :)

To everyone else- Don’t worry, the bitch is back :). Meaning, my much needed hiatus is over and you will be hearing from me much more in the near future. I promise.

Princess Kelley