Monday, April 29, 2013

"Such Pretty Pretty Colors"

 #oh look, I learned a new trick. #thanks Tumblr. #couldn't bear for this to stay in video form #the real reason I never answer emails #not suicidal #just needing to be brutally honest with myself #needed to snap out of the fantasy

Monday, April 22, 2013

About Me(me)

Hey Team,

So someone sent this to me on my kinky tumblr (I spend most of my time on my nerd tumblr), and I thought I would take a minute and answer it, because I honestly think the format is pretty creative. :) And it seems to fit in well with the recent "body" theme I have going on here.

Hair: What hair color looks best on you and what's your natural color?
Natural hair color is the one I have. Brown. 
I have been semi blonde once: bad idea. Then dark dark brown: fun and hot for a bit. But overbearing soon thereafter. Always wanted to try red, but not willing to do that kind of damage to my hair. 
Skin: Do you tan easily?
No! I burn extremely easily. 
Eyes: What is your favorite show to watch?
At the moment (and honestly always), Supernatural. (Dr Who must also be mentioned.)
Nose: What is your favorite perfume/candle fragrance?
Vanilla to smell. Used to wear it when I was younger. I wear J'adore most consistently. Currently wearing Encanto Bloom by Ferragamo 
Mouth: Do you want to kiss anyone right now?
Very much so. Really amazing kissing is something I have done very little of. I have been spanked by at least triple the number of people I have kissed. And those I have kissed... not many were memorably good. But those that were... kissing is the most intimate of things. It will tell you so much more about chemistry, and a man/woman than anything else.
I am dying to do more of it. Now please.
Tongue: What was in your last meal?
Salmon, zucchini, mushrooms, rice, and ice cream 
Windpipe: Do you sing?
Yes. Currently obsessed with
Neck: Do you wear necklaces?
Occasionally. I wear a gold K pendant by Helen Ficalora. And occasionally a statement piece. But generally I go naked neck. 
Ears: How many piercings do you have (if any)?
Cheeks: Do you blush easily?
I think so.
Wrists: Have you ever broken a bone?
Hands: Are you an artist/writer?
I wish.
Fingers: Do you play an instrument?
I wish.
Heart: Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know?
Not at the moment.
Lungs: Do you smoke cigarettes?
Chest: Are your maternal/parental instincts strong?
Stomach: Do you feel confident in your body image?
More so when I'm naked.
Back: Are you a virgin?
Hips: Do you like to dance?
Love to.
Thighs: Has anyone ever called you fat or ugly?
Many a times.
Knees: Have you ever cheated on someone?
Ankles: Have you ever been arrested?
Feet: Do you ever wear heels just for the hell of it?
Toes: Do you like country music?
When it strikes my fancy. ;)

Well that was fun and easy. :)

Princess Kelley

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

"Plus Sized:" Some Harsh Truths

Hey Team,

So I just spent the past hour responding to a message from a guy that was essentially asking why being a "chubby chaser" was offensive. That itself probably wouldn't have merited re-posting and a further discussion. However, the nature of his reasoning reminded me of an underlying truth that I think needs to be brought to light and discussed.

Let me start this by saying, I am always flattered when someone thinks I'm pretty, regardless of the reason, and bothers to tell me so. K&P this time around has been inspiring, and amazing. I am grateful, and do feel great about people's responses.

However the "for a heavy/curvy/big girl" gets old really fast, as does the "damn I love me some thick/fat/chubby girls!" Honestly, the second more so than the first. The first is generally by someone with whom I hold agreement on most things beautiful- a list to which I have now simply been added. It just pisses me off that they have to add a caveat to my beauty, and that they are surprised by the fact that a "not thin girl" can be pretty. I am starting to think that I actually shouldn't bitch at those people though. But rather should encourage them to continue to look at girls in that way, and continue to be surprised, until they aren't anymore.

The second though... dude, don't call me any of those things! I don't want to be any of those things! And you telling me I am kinda just killed any of the new found confidence I might have achieved by someone liking my image! *facepalm*

The truth of the matter is that we live in a society of extremes when it comes to body issues. We have an "obesity" epidemic according to everyone. According to me we have an eating disorder epidemic and one of those is over-eating. You are either thin or you are fat. There is no in between. When people go on TV to lose weight, they don't stop when they have hit a healthy, easy to maintain and reasonable weight. No. They go until they literally can not become any smaller without endangering their own health. Because that's what's beautiful.

Well apparently, according to a bunch of messages I have received, there is a market for heavier girls to be "beautiful" as well, but only when they are actually heavy girls. I have been reblogged on tumblr by ever "size 14 plus" type blog there is at this point. I was directed to multiple BBW sites. People saying, you would be great here!

I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE. I don't want to be segregated off with these heavier women and categorized as just that.
First of all, I'm a size 12. And it's as heavy as I ever want to be. And I'm going to be kinda harsh here. I don't generally go for anyone heavier than me. That is not to say that I don't think heavier than that can be beautiful. It absolutely can! But I also think that a size 0 can be beautiful. Which apparently makes me weird. I need to love one or the other.
Well I don't! I love the female form in all its various shapes and sizes. My personal preference? Size 4-10. I would really like to go back to being an 8/10, and am finding it strange that apparently there isn't a market for that. I need to be plus size or skinny. One or the other.

So someone lumping me in with a site devoted to guys who love girls that are all that size... just... guh! I AM MORE THAN MY SIZE!

Now that that is out of the way, here is the other harsh truth. Why is it that some guys like heavier girls? And I don't mean someone who can get behind a skinny girl, a medium girl or a heavy girl. I mean the people that just want the heavier girls. Because this is a confusing thing to many people. And please don't tell me it's that they are "real" (we've been through that discussion already) or that they are "more natural looking" or "not a stick" or that they are "more comfortable to snuggle with" because all of those things could apply to a size 6. [And dear lord, never tell a woman she is comfy to snuggle with unless she starts that line of thought.]

So this brings me to the email I received. I am going to just post parts of it, and then parts of my response. But I think it's really indicative of how SOME men see heavier women. All spelling/grammar left as is.
My question is what is wrong with being a "chubby chaser"? I typically consider myself one. I know it is probably a horribly offensive term. It is not ment to be on my end. Simply stated I like a woman that isn't a toothpick. I don't like a skinny mini. I like a woman with curves and an appetite. Curvey women also tend to have personalities and feelings. So couple that with all of the other positives like being more comfortable to snuggle with, more likely to actually care what a person thinks, and a less inflated self image. I could go on and on. The bottom line is that the sexiest thing about a curvey or "chubby" woman like you is that you have enough self confidence to know you aren't the type of woman society promotes and yet you still put yourself out there for the world to see.
My response (in part):

There is nothing wrong with preferring heavier women in an of itself. However, the reasons you have given me- not very good ones.

Let me start by saying that the term "chubby chaser" is horribly offensive. I don't want to be chubby. Nor do I consider to a compliment, or something that applies to me....

...What I read from what you posted is essentially this:

"Chubby women have gone through life being ridiculed and made to feel like they are less than. They therefore have low self-esteem and don't think much of themselves. They also tend to be funnier and often more overtly gregarious (though this is almost always a front) because in order to get the same love and attention as a child as their pretty counterparts, they needed to be funny or kind or some other thing that made them worthy of affection. This means that as an adult they are more likely to stay with a man who doesn't treat them as well, because they don't believe they are deserving."

I realize that you have probably never looked at it like that, but it's the truth behind how you feel. I will dissect a bit farther if you don't mind.

"Curvey women also tend to have personalities and feelings"
This is not something specific to curvy women. Plenty of thin women have personalities and feelings. What you are meaning to say is that they have a bigger personality and more damage (/feelings- interchangeable in this context) because they have learned to compensate

"more likely to actually care what a person thinks"
There is no correlation between a woman's size and how much she cares about what you think. There IS however, possibly a correlation between a woman's size and how likely she is to put up with someone else's drama/bullshit/opinions. Maybe she thinks a guy is self centered and only cares about his feelings, but because she is heavier, she has less self worth, and therefore puts up with his flaws for longer because she doesn't think she can do better.

"a less inflated self image"
Most thin women don't have inflated self images. Most thin women have a healthy self image. Most heavier women have a LOW self image. If you think a chubby girls self image is simply "not inflated" you seem to be of the opinion that women shouldn't think very highly of themselves.

"The bottom line is that the sexiest thing about a curvey or "chubby" woman like you is that you have enough self confidence to know you aren't the type of woman society promotes and yet you still put yourself out there for the world to see"
Please don't ever call my chubby again, but THIS is valid. Confidence is a sexy thing. And by going against the grain, I suppose I show more confidence. But this doesn't really fit with the rest of what you are saying.

In general, it sounds to me like you have had some problems with a couple or maybe just one thin woman and you have decided they are all horrible. Or that you're a jerk or not a good partner in some way and have therefore chosen to pick women with less self worth that will put up with it. I don't know you and don't want to judge TOO much, so my guess is the former- just a bad experience with the "pretty" girls. And that makes sense. Because the "pretty girls" can be bitches. Especially if you're not up to "their standard." But trust me, heavier women can be bitches too.
There is nothing wrong with loving all women for who they are. But don't say you like chubby women because they have better personalities. Just love all women. :) We are a very mixed bag, that has very little to do with our dress size.

Sorry this was so harsh. I just think you should take a look at why you feel the way you do at a deeper level.

Ok, like I said, I know my response was harsh. But as I wrote, it screamed "heavy girls don't love themselves and therefore won't leave me."

And this is something I have witnessed time and time again in my life. It's something I have personally experienced. A smoking hot guy will pick the pretty but heavier girl and build her up while simultaneously putting her down. Everyone will remind her how "out of her league" he is. And she will always be grateful to have him.
But the reason he likes "heavier" girls? They put up with his bullshit.

I must say, of course, that this is not always the case. But it does happen. A lot.


So yeah. I have confidence, and I feel good about my body. I'm proud of it, and am more than happy to show it off.
But let's be frank here. If Jared or Jensen, Val or Maks, Brad Pitt, or any of the boys that I talk about being so dreamy and hot were to come up to me at a bar, I would think it was a sick joke. Because boys like that don't talk to girls that look like me. And when they do, it's for the reasons above.

Welcome to the world of "plus-size" modeling. It's a funny, funny place.

Princess Kelley

K&P: "two smoothest scoops of vanilla..."... Oh Wait... Part 1

Hey Team!

So wow.
If you're on FetLife and were on today, you might have noticed that a new picture I posted went "Kinky and Popular." If you're not on Fet, well that's the gist of what happened. :) And so it's been a very interesting day, filled with lots of messages and comments, likes and loves, and thus lots of thoughts for me to have and share with y'all. None of this is intended to be "offensive" but I bet at least some would be better left unsaid. But when have I ever done that??? :)

1. First thought, after "What? Really? Wow." and lots and lots of blushing and feeling humbled and proud at the same time, and flattered and happy is this amazing song:
"To all the ass hat jocks who beat me up in school/now I'm the one that's cool/I'm the one that's cool!"
 Ok. I'm done now. :)

2. The title of this post comes from the short story A&P by John Updike (which you should read if you never have only because it's one of those stories that you really should have read in high school). Random you think? It is. But it just made me happy that my talk to text on my phone thought A&P when I said K&P so I only had to fix one letter. :) Also, just given the story, kinda awesome. 
My talk to text often makes me happy. It knows FetLife (without me telling it), and given proper context, wrote "wow" as in World of Warcraft as "WoW" which is the correct capitalization to distinguish. :)

3. I am having mixed emotions about being the "curvy" and/or "real" girl. It makes me beyond happy to be considered a role model. That's a big part of why I started doing traditional nude modeling, and what I hope to achieve in my work. I want to inspire, to affect change in a tangible way. I want people to look at me and think beauty, and for that to translate to them seeing curvier women in general as more beautiful. But more importantly, I want women to look at me and see someone that maybe looks more like them, or what they could be, and see it at the top of K&P.

But also don't just want to be that girl that attracts "chubby chasers" or whatever that horrible term is. It's a fine line to walk, and my feelings are... it's complicated to explain...

The mixed emotions I feel with all of this stem of course from my history with an eating disorder and body image issues. My nutritionist and I go at this exact debate all the time actually. I want to to be proud of my body and for people to see that curves can be beautiful (bc I'm not going to lie or be fake modest- I think those images are amazing together. And I look really good in them). I want to be the role model, and the inspiration. I want to affect change!

But I also want to be thinner most days. If for no other reason than it would be easier. And honestly, because I've been the thinner version of me (had to get to here somehow) and I liked it better. Don't want to be "thin," just thinner than I am now. Most people probably wouldn't even notice. Simple as that.
Please don't think that I'm saying that looking for compliments- I got way more than my share of compliments today.'s an honest thing I struggle with. As an issue of integrity, and an issue of desire and guilt. How am I going to be able to be happy with my body as it is now, be a role model, and not feel guilty if I want to be thinner for whatever reason, all at the same time?
I don't have the answer, but I'm working on it. 

4. Can we talk about the word "real" for a minute, please? Yes I am "real" in that I haven't had any plastic surgery or physical augmentation. My pictures are not Photoshopped (which would be the best- and really only- argument that other pictures aren't real btw), and they are simple images. But all women are real. Regardless of what they look like. Perhaps I am more typical than thin models. But no more real. More authentic than Photoshopped. But unless a girl is actually not a girl, she is real. 

I don't want to nit pick that one though because I understand what people mean by it, and I appreciate it, and agree with the sentiment. It's nice to see fuller figured women as representations of beauty in a way that isn't also exploiting their "not perfect-ness." That really bother me. When models are portrayed as "real women" that are also beautiful. Like it's a surprise, and an exception.
No! She is beautiful, and she is a model. And she has freckles or small breasts or cellulite- things you would otherwise just Photoshop over and never mention if you weren't trying to exploit her perceived "flaws" as part of your marketing campaign. 

So I like this image that I made, because sure, I am not airbrushed and perfect. But you don't see that. It isn't overt. It's well lit, and the photo is great. Compositionally excellent. It's not great despite it's flaws. It's just great. And I feel just beautiful in it. And I am so glad that I didn't get a single "pretty for a big/curvy girl" in all of the almost 250 comments. Though at least half did focus on my curves as being the high point. Hopefully, one day, it won't be so weird that bigger girls can be seen as beautiful that the image can just go by as "beautiful" without needing to remark on her curves.

Or, as said so much more eloquently in this amazing article from a woman who had weigh loss surgery and then realized she still wasn't happy:

Magazine articles about body image talk about loving yourself despite your flaws. Sometimes they get really radical and they talk about loving yourself because of your flaws, and that is supposed to be empowering. And it makes me mad, because we're talking about flaws here. A body that doesn't look like the body of a Victoria's Secret model is a flawed factory reject. My thighs aren't the thighs of a figure skater, so they're not good enough, but I should love the flubby little things anyway because I am so incredibly self-compassionate

I want this: I want to say, don't love yourself even though you're not perfect - love yourself because you have a body and it's worth loving and it is perfect. Be healthy, which is perfect at whatever size healthy is and at whatever size happy is. And of course that's totally easy and I have just caused a revolution in body image. Let's all go home now.

 4. And now for some comment/message highs and lows:

Actually. I was just going through to find some, and there honestly weren't any bad/crude/obnoxious comments on that picture. There were a couple on a few other ones (the more sexual pics), and the ubiquitous horrific messages, but just in re-reading all the other, amazing, kind, heartfelt ones, I started to cry I little, so I'm not going to try to make a bit joke out of it. I was trying to choose my favorite comments, but they are all... I would have like 15 favorites, and that's a little too self reverential for my taste.

Ok, enough sap Kelley. I will end this part of this post (I have a few more things to say- the snarkier bits- but will do so in another post since this is getting long) with this comment. A rare sexual/objectified comment that I like and made me laugh really hard.
"Dear Santa..."
Princess Kelley

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Spanking threat (impiled) on DWTS

Hey Team,
Ok, so I was watching Dancing with the Stars (it's my guilty pleasure don't judge me!), and this happened, and I freaked the fuck out. lol. Watched it about 15 times already.

Maksim and Valenine Chmerkovskiy are very hot, very Russian, brothers that are two of the pro dancers on the show. Maks is a long time pro, whereas little brother Val is newer to the program. Both very dominant (imho) and both very popular. Val is paired with this year's favorite, and Maks is actually taking the season off (for reasons unknown to me). Side note: His partner is Zendaya, a 16 year old Disney star and very talented dancer. Watching the way he is trying to mentor and coach her in a kinda older brother way is really really hot to me. He pushes her to be way better than she would need to be to still easily be the most talented on the program. But it's like he sees how amazing she Could be and so he doesn't accept for her to be less than That. I love mentor/ment-ee relationships as well as coach/student relationships. It's just hot man.

They did this team/partner type dance thing last week, and so Maks was in rehearsal with Val and his celeb partner. From this footage, it appears that Val has hurt his back, and in the shot, Maks is stretching him out, clearly perturbed that little brother has gotten himself hurt again. But mostly because it means that He is going to be in trouble... :D

Maks: "when something's wrong with him, I get bitched at, like it's my fault, like I was 'supposed to watch out for him' or something like that."
Val: "and when something goes wrong wtih you, what happens to me?"
M: "Same thing, but I don't let anything go wrong with me."
V: "Bro, you're one big wrong. already. My whole life..."
M: "I swear to God I'm gonna call mom"
V(talking over him): "..I don't understand.. (unitelligible)"
M (cont): "And I'll tell her your back hurts. If I tell momma your back hurts? And It's game over for you. Somebodies flying out..."
V: "and if I tell Papa you came an hour and a half late to rehearsal there's gonna be something wrong with you."
M: [pause, as if to say "you wouldn't"]
V: "Punctuality." (re:slam dunk)
M: [shrugs in acquiescence] "end result"
V: "end result."
V: (clearly knowing that he won) "you look like a gonadal rider."

So, I have to say, that I have a thing for fraternal M/M spankings/discipline. Probably one of the reasons I love Supernatural fanfic so much. And given that my life has been consumed with SPN as of late, this just really played well to that whole Sam and Dean thing. :) Also, it was kinda adorable.

Anyway, I don't know if anyone will care in the slightest about this, but I needed to share it, and I don't have a fucking place to do that appropriately except for here. Because here is mine, so I can! lol. :)

Princess Kelley

Quote from Maks to Zendaya last week while demonstrating a move she should do with Val.
"You guys are the perfect couple. You're a very good follower, and he's a great leader. But sometimes you know where to go, so get there. You know what I mean? You have your part to do." If that isn't Ds what is? (If I can find a gif of this I will post it.)

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Thoughts Re: TASSP and Spanko "Celebs"

Hey Team,
Ok, so this has been nagging at me for a few days, and I just need to write it, and get it out there (and thus out of my head).

As you (should) know, TASSP is coming up on June 20th, and so organizing, working, and promoting for the event is in full swing. I have my life reasonably back together, and am catching up, trying to make up for lost time. Everything is going well, and only when I let myself think too hard about it do I want to vomit from stress. :) But that's just me. We have some amazing people coming- from all over the world actually- and it's going to be so much fun, just like it always is. So you should really register asap and make sure you don't miss out.

But anywho, in all of this promoting and working on getting it together, we have been releasing photos from last year's party, and uploading promo clips, etc. Just things to get people talking and excited about how much fun it honestly all is. Plus, cute girls getting spanked. In what world is that bad? Not this one for sure. Unfortunately in doing all of this, I (and the many other people that are working really hard to make this party happen) have suddenly been getting a lot of really negative reactions from people who are either just being assholes or are genuinely just confused, so I thought I would clear a few things up.

What's with all the pictures of the models? Don't other people come to the party?
Of course! The overwhelming majority of people at the parties are not models. But we wanted to share pictures of at least some of the actual events, and there aren't any pictures of anyone else because they don't want their pictures taken! (duh!) Plus, most of the "celebs" that come to the party are there to have a good time just like everyone else. So a picture of a cute girl laughing and smiling isn't about how amazingly hot or famous she is. It's about a girl having fun. Because that's what the party is all about.

I don't want to pay all that money getting there just to watch! Fucking [insert name here] would probably never let me touch her. (we get the sweetest emails don't you see? :))
With that attitude you probably won't get to touch anyone! But you aren't going just to watch. Parties are not about watching. (Though for a voyeur, a party would be heaven.) Plenty of people go and just hang out and watch because they like that, aren't comfortable playing publicly, or are shy. But I would say most play. Playing with the models/celebs as a top or a bottom? Certainly not a guarantee. The way I see it is that everyone there is there to have a good time, and that includes the "celebs." If they like you and want to play, they might. Or they might only do sessions, who knows? Or, you might be a horrible person and no one, celeb or otherwise, will want to play with you!
There are a few times that the party is "watch" only, but that is specifically the educational demonstrations/presentations, which people love, and are not something you have to attend. Those are also given by non "celebs" and celebs alike. We just get people that are the best qualified that we can, and they tend to be amazing.
Come to the party with an expectation of meeting people who have a lot in common with you, that are for the most part kind, wonderful human beings. Hope you hit it off with someone and you play if you are so inclined. And know that if you let yourself, you will have some of the best experiences of your life. :)

It's morally wrong that people do sessions. I would never participate in that.
Well then don't participate in that! That's a pretty easy one to solve!
And please, keep your "moral high ground" to yourself. As someone who (I am ashamed to admit) pretty vocally held that opinion, I can say that it's both wrong, and offensive, and most likely rooted in something about yourself rather than what they are actually doing.
They aren't going to bug you about it, so don't bug them. It's not even something you would notice if you chose not to.
But for some, the ability to participate in a session is important and meaningful. And it's not your right to try and take that away from them, or make them feel ashamed of that fact.

Why all the focus on the models then?
In all honesty, TASSP has been known in the past for being very model centered, and that's not an entirely untrue assessment, but nor do I believe it to be a bad one. (People have things to say both good and bad about every big party in the country).
Paul loved models. He loved having as many pretty girls around as he could. Partially just to show off and have fun, but also because he liked to get work done, and it is honestly really nice to be able to have so many colleagues around all at once- saves a lot of time and money on travel. Plus, a lot of the "models/celebrities" know each other and are friends, and as I've been saying, it's about coming and playing with your friends. They were his friends, and he wanted them there.
It got emphasized so much because just as there are people who don't give a rat's ass about a "famous" spanko, there are plenty who do. Those who want to maybe do private sessions, and those who just think it would be fun to meet them! I personally always wanted to go to a Shadow Lane because I wanted to meet all the people I had idolized in videos growing up. It was fun! And when Amelia came to TASSP last year, I just about died. :) It wasn't what made the party for me, but it was really enjoyable.

And as I said with the pictures, it's a lot easier to market things that you can talk about, lol. I can describe a party to you over and over, but there is something about them that you just have to experience to understand. Being around so many like-minded individuals is a heady, amazing and often overwhelming experience. For those who like to play publicly, it can be a dream. For those who live places where there isn't much access, it's an opportunity unlike any other. And for those who have been going to parties for years, it's the chance you have to see your friends. People who you have grown with and come to love dearly but don't get to see very often.

But I can't put that in a video, or a picture, or a flyer. And if you go to parties, you already know you want to keep going. 19 year old me didn't even think about going to Shadow Lane to meet a bunch of strangers (socialization is hard, lol) and possibly play. I wanted to meet Erika Scott! lol. And I went. And in the end, did all of those things. And now I want to go because I have friends there.

So no, you aren't paying money to come to a party to watch a bunch of models play or pay for sessions. All of those things are available if you want to. You are paying honestly for food and the ability for us to be at a hotel, and are there to have fun, making the most of the time you have, however that may come to you.

I am certain that I have offended some people, and that's probably bad for business. But I don't really care. It stands to reason that if you hadn't been to a party before and you had been following some of our promotions, you would have been confused. If that was the case, I hope this clears things up. If you were one of the people who just felt like being a dick to me/my friends/family, well then you can go fuck yourself. :)

Princess Kelley

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Drunk Kelley is drunk

" to all the ass hat jocks who beat me up in school/ now I'm the one cool /I'm the one that's cool./ to all the prom queen bitches thinking they still rule now/ I'm the one that's cool/ I'm the one that's cool... You may be tan and fit and rich but you're a tool/ now I'm the one that's cool /I'm the one that's cool."

Sober me sings a lot, quite well. drunk me sings even more, just very poorly.

Video does NOT contain singing. Just have that song stuck in my head and everyone should go listen to it.

Friday, April 5, 2013

"Hi Self, It's Nice to Meet You"

 "So I guess, Summary: Alive. Not Depressed. Watching too much Supernatural. Way stronger than I thought I was. Single and alone for the first time, and for the first time in a long time realizing that I'm a person that I don't know. But that's OK, because I'm kinda awesome. So getting to know me isn't so bad."
Hey Team,
So after much ado (internally) here is my vlog about my life and status and such post break up. I am doing really well, just being single and alone for the first time in 5 years. Realizing that I need to heal and get to know myself before I can really do anything else. That I am stronger than I ever dreamed I was, because I kept pretending that I wasn't, and eventually I believed that to be the case.

I spent over 3 hours trying to get this done. Total fail. Could have written in by the end. But did like 3 takes- the first was half an hour and I just wasn't going to edit that. So I'm not sure if this one is totally boring or not (I have watched it too many times so I'm assuming it is), but it's pretty insightful I suppose if you haven't been inside my brain with me for the last few weeks, lol. :)

Thank you to everyone for your support. It means a lot. I have responded to comments from the last post in the last comments. I don't think I said everything I wanted to say, but there is far too much for me to have achieved that. I suppose my shower walls and I will just have to share those thoughts together. :)

Split into two  parts because it was too long. I really hope some people actually watch this, lol. Worked really hard on it. :)

I make no promises on updating anything else (lots to do and say, including fun things), but I do promise not to entirely abandon the blog. :) Who knows? Maybe lots of updates are in the future.

[UGH! Just discovered my software cut in the middle of my favorite line in the whole thing! GRRR, so I'll type it in between. :)]

"Once I figure out what I want to be. ...Other than demon hunter, because, alternate universe, so even my charming wit and gigantic tits can't make that one happen...."

Princess Kelley