If you want to watch this vlog style, here you go! Otherwise, the text is below. :)
So. After about a decade of consideration, I have decided, finally, to have breast reduction surgery. This is perhaps going to seem an odd thing to need to announce publicly, but I’ve lived a very public life for the past 13 or so years, often with my physical body front and center, so I suppose I’ll just continue that tradition.
I first developed boobs when I was about 11 years old. They grew quickly and I was a DD before I left high school. But even after I stopped growing, they didn’t. I’ve always joked that I’m the luckiest girl in the world, because as I’ve gained weight over the years, sometimes it seems like my boobs are all that got bigger. (Aside: they’re not, lol. But I’ve definitely benefited from them growing along with my hips and thighs 😊).
And so they’ve gone from 32FF when I graduated college to a 34HH when I first went Kinky and Popular, to now larger than a 34KK. If cup sizes were numbers, where an A was 1, I'm a size 16, for context.
Breast reduction surgery is considered the cosmetic surgery with the highest rate of happiness. Almost everyone that gets it is thrilled, and only ever wishes that they did it sooner. Because we’re in pain. Constant, chronic pain that you become so used to you sometimes don’t even notice. I’ve had migraines from the pulling on my neck since I was 22. I’ve had muscle spasms in my back since I was 20. I’ve struggled to breathe from the physical weight on my chest… And the problems have only ever gotten worse despite years of chiropractors, physical therapy, massage, drugs, etc. You name it, I’ve tried it.
So, unsurprisingly, I’ve been thinking about this surgery since I was about 22.
But I’ve also found that many women who have had this surgery did so in part because they didn’t like the social aspects of having giant boobs. They hated being looked at and ogled. They hated not being able to find cute clothes that fit. They didn’t like the attention their boobs got them.
But that’s not me at all. I LOVE the attention my boobs get me. I actively solicit that attention. I always have. Sure, bras and clothes are hard and expensive, but I’ve found solutions over the years. And people looking at my naked body is part of how I make a living, and it’s something that brings me joy.
Plus, it used to be that you weren’t able to breastfeed after, and I knew I wanted kids. So my plan was to wait til after I had kids, and then once my boobs were sagging and destroyed from pregnancy and breast feeding, I would just do the reduction and a lift all at once and get it done with then.
So why now you ask? I can’t exactly explain why I finally decided to do this now other than pain. It just got to be too much, and I need a solution that can last for longer than 2 weeks at a time. Maybe it’s having found a forever partner that I know supports me and really doesn’t care about how big my boobs are. Maybe it’s knowing that the surgery has advanced and that it’s now possible that I’ll be able to breastfeed my babies at least partially. Maybe it’s just exhaustion.
But after months of searching and struggle, and then more months waiting for a slot during COVID, I am finally set to have this surgery at the end of August.
So, what does this mean for my life? Well it means that if you were hoping to experience my party trick where I give people minor concussions with my boobs, I am very sorry to say you are too late. But I’m certain there are videos out there somewhere and plenty of people you can ask about the experience. It means I won’t have ghost nipples anymore (your nipples are made much smaller and more uniform in surgery) in case that was your thing. It means I will no longer need to ask my friends to hold my boobs as though they were a shelf for a few minutes to I can breathe properly while we joke that I should get a boob shelf slave. It means I will be able to walk down stairs without needing to cross my arms across my chest to hold them in. It means I will get to wear cute lingerie, and do more activities. And of course, it hopefully will mean less pain.
As for work, well there are a few specifics. I won’t be able to do any sessions until November, though given COVID that’s unlikely to affect many people. I won’t be doing any virtual work either for 3-4 weeks as I recover from what is actually really major surgery. It sadly means no livestreams during that time either. And obviously no new nude photos of my boobs for a few months while they heal. HOWEVER, this does not mean that there will be a lack of content. I will still be posting every day without a break, and I’ve been stockpiling enough photos of my boobs currently to last at least a year if that was all I posted. But don’t worry—they’ll still be pretty big. I’m hoping for a DD or an F cup which means I’m reducing essentially from a size 17 (if each cup was a number) to a size 5 or 6. My other content shouldn’t change at all, as spanking is obviously not about boobs. And hopefully you will all still be interested in what I’m creating and putting out there.
Look. I’m scared. As many of you know I am in recovery from bulimia and body dysmorphia and have been for years. And there have been many many many days where the only thing I loved about my body was my boobs, or more specifically my proportions. I’ve thought it was the only thing that made me beautiful. Or to put my terrible fatphobic thoughts more bluntly, my boobs are/were the only thing making me “voluptuous” and keeping me from just being “fat.” Which obviously to my eating disorder riddled brain was the worst thing that could happen to me. So the idea that I am actively and permanently changing the one thing about my body that I’ve always loved is absolutely terrifying. I’m terrified that I’m going to lose a ton of fans and as a result income. I’m terrified that something will go wrong with the surgery more generally. And I’m terrified that even if it goes well and I become one of the 99% of women who just wish they’d had breast reduction sooner that I’m bringing regret into my life where it didn’t exist before.
But I’m also excited. I’m excited not to be in pain. To be able to breathe deeply, to not have back spasms and migraines. To be able to do more activities and try things I’ve always wanted to try. I’m excited to be able to buy and make cute clothes for myself that fit that don’t have to come exclusively from specialty stores. I’m excited to not have overwhelming underboob sweat. Did I mention I’m excited to not be in pain. Because hot damn, am I excited to not be in pain.
So why am I telling you all of this? Well, partially just because it’s going to be a very big and very noticeable change in my life, work and content I produce. But also because I need your support. This is major surgery, and the next couple months are likely going to be hard physically and mentally. And your love and hugs and positivity always mean the world to me.
So, please do not tell me you are sad. Do not try to convince me not to do it. Do not send me soliloquy dedicated to my giant tits or mourn them for me. My boobs are mine, not yours, and you have no say in what happens to them. As the best quote I found about breast reduction said—why should I live everyday in pain so someone else can enjoy occasionally looking at my body?
This is the right call for me. And I hope you’ll support me in that decision.