Day 1 Part 2 of Sex, Drugs, and Bicycling

So I'm on the train for the third time today (not incluing the metro) and having a dorky cathedral-junkie amazing day, but I need to finish my story, which has become rather epic in lenght. I'm writing this in my journal and will type it later. (written 2 days ago)
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So after a brief bit of reading, I selected the spot- "The Grey Area." The aptly named spot is frequently a winner of the Cannibus Cup (yes, that actually exists!) and a hole in the wall frequented by Willie Nelson, Woody Harrilson (fantastic pictures grace the stained and collaged walls) and locals alike. By hole in teh wall, they really mean it by the way. It's like a 10 ft by 10 ft room with a counter and two tiny tables.
I was under this apparently incredibly naive impression that pot was pot, like basil is basil. It's a plant! How many options can you have??? Imagine my surprise then when they handed me a menu with various names and descriptions, none of which said "one basic joint."

My brother told me to pick the one that sounded best for us (we were just getting one to split), and I chose a cannibus cup winner that apparently was supposed to taste good and be a happy, giggly high (I can't remember the name). I then proceeded to panic a bit that we didn't need 1, 2, 3, or 4 grams (our only listed purchasing options) and that maybe could we just tell them I've never done this before and could they pick? Or maybe explain? Do you know how to roll? Can they do it?? And what is a bong anyway????

"Just let me do the talking. Don't say anything. Actually, why don't you just go guard the bikes outside?"
I happily obliged (and then got distracted by a chocolate shop across the street where I indulged in my more typical vice. :)

We finally made it to Vondelpark - a beautiful place that feels similar to Central park but more European, and with fewer homeless people, more young people, more soccer, and a bit more hedonism. I located a nice spot under a tree, and after discussing what to expect, and how exactly one is supposed to smoke, he lit us up. High Kelley is apparently every high stereotype. Giggly, happy, difficult to understand, and someone who has the munchies and believes that EVERYTHING they say is super profound. It took longer to take effect tahn I anticipated, and I was kinda unimpressed at first. But then it hit, and it was a lot more fun that I thought it would be. It was like being that level of drunk right before you get sick but then you do more and you never tip over. Never get dizzy or sick, plus there is a bit of a difference that makes it really interesting and enjoyable. (My brother said this was the best he had ever done- not a total expert, but I'm not surprised either).

When everything got so bright... I felt I MUST capture!

My favorite part was that apparently the sun came out just a bit while I was at the peak (still not 100% sure that happened or whether it really was the pot or the jetlag, or a combo of all 3) and it freaked me out! I thought that everything just became brighter instantaneously for no reason!! The line between the sky and the trees felt so epic. I then opened my eyes as wide as I could and marvelled excitedly, exclaiming that it could get even bigger and even brighter lol! These sentences did not come out very well though, as I would be talking and then just stop and completely forget the topic. Or sentences would "get away from me," as I would say.

Grass felt so profound

Ex: "Everything is so bright! I can open them bigger and it becomes clearer and the colors! Oh the colors! Why can't I get a screen grab! And" *sees bird or blade of grass* "and and and.... the grass.... and" *my brother laughing hysterically* "that sentence got away from me."

As seen above in that sentence, I got very upset that I could't "screen grab" my eyes (meaning take an exact copy of my field of vision) and then thought it was extremely epic that actually you would need to "screen grab" your brain, and then upset again that that would look like my brain and not the trees (logic is hard when high). :) (This entire logic problem has made me come to a better understanding of my old "Hallucinating" professor that I hated so much last year. The whole "brains in vats" thing didn't make sense to me because I wasn't high, and clearly my professor was.

:)

In terms of actually smoking I did pretty well, except I kept forgetting to exhale, lol. He said to take it then, then inhale and hold for a second to let the smoke permeate, then exhale. I used to be a synchrronized swimmer (a former teammate is currently in the Olympics) and a singer- I can hold my breath a long time. The first time was quite good. Some coughing after but apparently that is normal (the coughing is definitely the worst part). Then like the third time I really forgot until he snapped "breathe out!" Unfortunately, when i did I kinda choked on it, lol, and had a very scary coughing fit that lasted a good 5-10 minutes. Thought I might die, lol. And that everyone in the park thought, "oh the stupid American newbies!" My big bro was very impressed when I didn't let it stop my fun and still wanted more (I even lit it myself one time!)

After a couple hours he convinced me to give into the munchies that had overtaken and to venture out to try to find pizza by the slice or a donut (I was later proved wrong in my assertion that those don't exist in Europe. The city is filled with munchie friendly stands, lol.) Note to self: if you drink wine at dinner, the "it won't make you dizzy" clause is null and void. So after some of the worst and yet more perfect pizza and fettucini alfredo ever , we passed out in the hostel at 9, while it was still light out.

While I really loved my experience, the next day I was so hapy to be sober, and barely even wanted great wine with dinner. I am glad I did it, and I can say I did, and I now know what it's like. It was WAY more fun than I thought it would be. Can see how it would be easy to do all the time. But it's like my first glass of wine was a Mercault and this was my first joint- there is no where to go but down, lol. And I did it once- I never need to do it again. And I don't think I ever will.

xoxo
Princess Kelley

Coming Next: sex museum, live sex show, peep show, red light district- the stuff y'all actually want to read about. *wink*

Day 1 of Sex, Drugs, and Bicycling

Disclaimer: I do not condone or encourage the use of any sort of recreational drug when they are illegal. Nothing morally wrong with pot, just not necessarily the best life choice especially since it can get you arrested. It won't make you cool, and nobody likes a dead-beat stoner. 


While Daddy and I were going through his things in preparation for the estate sale, we found a TON of old photos and ephemera from the 1960s. A lot of the photos were Daddy's (I especially loved the boy scout troop pictures for some reason- that and the amazing WWII photos of his and her parents), but much of it belonged to his late wife, Lynn, who was an amazing lady, but a bit of a hoarder.

Anyway, in an old wallet of hers from when she was in middle school (!) we found an old library card that made me extremely happy, and a hand written copy and a type writer copy of one of those quizzes that when you're young you send around on email asking your friends to fill out and score (Francesca has since explained to me that chain mail used to be in the actual mail, thus they existed before the internet). I thought it was amazing that we still do the exact same type of thing, but far more hardcore. Today's might read "how many boys have you kissed? How many guys have you given head to? Have you ever watched porn?" The 1960's version went more like "how many boys have you kissed? Have you ever necked while both girl and boy were in PJs? Have you petted above the waist? Has a boy ever made you (word that apparently meant horny in the 1960s but I now can't remember)?"

So fun fact about me, other than watching a lot of porn (which was not on this quiz- too taboo even for that context!) and buying a couple sex toys and learning to masturbate, I had done NOTHING sexual until college. I had my first kiss post graduation at the age of 18. So for fun, I took the quiz as my 17 year old self, and then as my 19 year old self. As a 17 year old, my quiz score labeled me as "A total square!" (less than 10 points). My 19 year old self however was on the other end. I will try to remember the labels on the list but I do distincly remember the last one, which was after the equivalent of total slut: "You lied." lol :)

So all that to say, it should come to no surprise to anyone that knows me that I had never done any sort of drug before two days ago, and that I still have never done any illegal drug. I didn't drink until I got to college (not for any moral high ground- just didn't like the taste, and I wanted to be different than other people), and after making it through middle school and high school without ever smoking weed, I kinda figured, why start now? And the pot scene at my school wasn't very large. Alcohol was plenty. Plus, I hate cigarette smokers, and for a long time in my life thought I was asthmatic (actually was related to my panic attacks).

So when my brother and I discovered that we were going to be in Amsterdam together (he is on an around the world trip and was passing through Europe at the same time I arrived in Amsterdam to start my trip), we started to think about what we could do while there. We really wanted to bond, and are trying to spend more time together and strengthen our relationship, and this seemed like a really good opportunity. Small problem. Amsterdam is good for 3 things for me: Sex, Drugs, and Art (well four if you count Tulips, but they aren't in season). I love sex and art. I assume my brother is a fan of sex as well, but of course we had NO desire to do look at sex shops and the like Together. And neither one of us does drugs. And so while I (the art history major whose entire trip is basically cathedral/museum/castel/cathedral/museum/repeat) could have been happy with 3 days of art and simply dissapointed that I didn't get to do the fun sex stuff, he would not has as much fun, and it wouldn't have given us the opportunity for the epic bonding stuff.

So drugs it is!

He messaged me a couple months ago saying that he thought we should do shrooms together and then go to a museum. One of his good friends had done it, and he just listened to a podcast on shrooms and their drug properties and felt confident in the safety. As he put it, "I'm not looking to do anything absurdly stupid here Kelley." I thought, that sounds fun. Then you'll leave and I'll go back and say "Oh! That's what that was." But I was also thinking, "Oh dear god, what have I gotten myself into!"

So after doing my own research, which involved talking to as many people as I could that I know do drugs what they thought, and all who know me well replied to shrooms with a unanimous "NO!" (My favorite was Francesca who mentioned that given my general hatred towards post-impressionism that if I was high and saw a painting I didn't like I might get really upset and end up on a bad trip.) Then one suggested that I seemed like someone who would enjoy pot the most. I can't do any stimulant (I don't even drink coffee) or I have panic attacks. Narcotics make me vomit. I am a generally anxious person, and I hate feeling nauseous. Pot was a logical and easy choice.

I still wasn't sure if I was going to do it (and I don't think he was either) when I got there, but on day one I was so jetlagged. On all my previous trips I have no idea what happened the first day because I was so deliriously tired that I don't remember. So I didn't want to do any of the things I REALLY wanted to see that day, and I knew we would both want to pass out by 9 (he just flew in from Asia) and my time in Amsterdam had recently been cut a day short so I was crunched for time. It had been drizzling all day, and the sun was finally coming out. I thought it was supposed to rain for the next two days. We just finished the Anne Frank House and I really wanted to go to Vondelpark, so I declared, "Lets go to a coffee shop (to buy weed) and then go smoke in the park! Two birds, one stone!"

So to my brother's surprise and I think a bit of pride in me, I busted out my Rick Steves guidebook and found us the best place to buy, and we headed off on our bikes. (Yes, where and how to smoke in Amsterdam is in the Rick Steves. Part of why I did it, and part of why I love Rick Steves.)

To be continued (with conclusion of drugs and then sex sex sex sex and sex!)

xoxo Princess Kelley

Sex, Drugs, and Bicycling: 3 Days in Amsterdam

"Some tourists think Amsterdam is a city of sin, but in truth it is a city of freedom. And in freedom, most people find sin."

                               -The Fault in Our Stars, John Green 

Oh howdy, have I ever!

In the last 3 days I have had some amazing firsts (and here I had been all jaded thinking there weren't any firsts left to have!). I went into an establishment that sells marijuana (legally), I smoked marijuana for the first time, I saw a live sex show, a peep show, and a lot of prositutes, and went to a museum that is devoted entirely to sex. All while nursing a cold, jetlagged, and with my older brother (shockingly and fortunately far less awkward than we worried it would be!).

Updating tomorrow with all the juicy details and pictures :)...

xoxo
Princess Kelley

The Week from Heaven and Hell

Hey Team,
So have you ever had one of those weeks where you just can't seem to stop from bursting into tears for seemingly not enough reason, and you feel every emotion there is to feel, and you are just about to have yourself committed, when blood starts coming out of your vagina, and you almost cry with relief thinking, "oh thank God! I'm not insane, I'm just hormonal!"

Ok, now that I've alienated all of my new readers, and half of the male population, I shall commence with the beginning of what I guess will be a rather long series about my first week as a producer, my first big party, and the joy and frustrations of hosting guests and parties. :)

The craziness for me actually started I think three weeks ago now, when after spending a ton of time and energy on finals, my birthday, and another estate sale for Daddy (I will eventually write about that I think), I could finally start to work on preparations for filming and the final prep for the party. I made the decision in the last few months to launch a members site and a DVD site (that was supposed to already be up, but my goals frequently exceed my actual time constraints and capabilities) when I learned of all of the amazing models that were going to be at TASSP, and how many I could hire and work with. I am going for it, and going to do it my way. Make something that I'm proud of and would want to watch. Things I'm happy to put my name on.

Anywho, so right after the estate sale finished, I decided that I wanted to paint and decorate Paul's house so that we could use it as filming headquarters. I HATE when videos show a "school room" and you're like, "NO you idiot! You are clearly in a hotel!" The only problem with that was wallpaper. Specifically entire rooms covered in what we soon learned were two to four layers of wallpaper. We worked until we were bleeding (literally) for three days, and some friends of ours (Kerri, Mike and Dave) were going to come in over the weekend and just roll on the paint. I kept asking Daddy if we could just go hire a day laborer, but he was stubborn and said we could do it.

He was wrong.

Saturday, Paul came down with what was either food poisoning from bad oysters, or the 24 hour bug, and I lost it. I went into his house, which is always a disaster, but was now covered in wallpaper shavings, furniture was everywhere, and there were holes in the walls we had managed to create while "stripping" the wallpaper (I will spare you the details), and I looked at everything as Kerri walks in, expecting to be able to start painting, and I broke down. She then says "Didn't Paul tell you that I used to be a general contractor? Why didn't you guys call me?" Were he not so sick, I would have murdered my daddy. lol :)

So Kerri made calls to people who have people and we got this guy and after working day and night, we got the place painted. It looked so much better! But then of course, I didn't have time to do any of the other bazillion things that I had left on my list to do, because Sunday night (at 1 AM) my new favorite person in the entire world came to my apartment.

Amelia Jane Rutherford.

to be continued...

xoxo
Princess Kelley

Not Dead

Hey Team,
I am as always so sorry for the hiatus. It's been crazy as always, and I just haven't had the time to put into my blog that I really want. I actually miss it here more than I can say. This will always be my home- not Fetlife, or parties, or videos. Here. And I am so sorry that I have been neglecting writing.

I actually have a bunch of really great posts written in my head, lol. Now if I could just find 2 hours or so when I am in the mood to write (or film and edit) when I actually have the time to do that, that would be amazing! :)

But I just thought I would check in and say hi, and say to come over to fetlife to see that I'm not dead. It's really easy to update status there... but anyway, I was just realizing how much BETTER it is here than on Fet, lol. Y'all have ALL my good photos! I am making business cards for my new site and for TASSP, and needed to find some pictures (other than the icon picture, which will of course be the main one). So I started scrolling through fetlife, and then started scrolling through on here, and realized that holy crap! I'd forgotten I even had half the stuff that's on here! lol. Anywho... just thinking about y'all (whoever that is anymore) and wanted to say hi.

Oh, and I missed my 4th spank-anniversary back on April 19th, which makes me really upset with myself. But also kinda freaked out that it's been that long!!! Also, it's my B-day next week... so I will post my B-day spanking here. :)

I will also post an update on my mom (good news!) as soon as I possibly can.

I love you guys, and I will be back just as soon as I can breathe again. lol :)

xoxo
Princess Kelley