Love Our Lurkers!

Hey Team,

Wow. I don't think in 5 years of doing this that I've ever been gone this long! I can only think of one other time I didn't post during an entire month! Apologies!

I actually have tons I'm wanting to post about (things have been forming in my head since the middle of the summer), but life is hectic (in a good way), and this is the first thing to get neglected. I promise a post updating about my life soon (vlog/picture post most likely), and hopefully some of those actually thoughtful, interesting posts soon after that.

Thanks to indelible Bonnie, for the email last night telling me that today was LoL day! It was the slight kick in the pants I needed to post something and get the ball rolling.

I've always loved LoL day! As many of you may know, I spent a great portion of my life as a lurker, and still lurk on occasion. It's hard for me to remember, even now, that I'm allowed to say things, and that feedback means a lot (generally to the writers of the amazing fan fiction that I read, lol); part of me still thinks that I'm that young girl trying not to get caught on the internet!

But if you're here, and you're not trying to hide being on the internet from someone (*wink*), feel free and encouraged to say hi! I'm not around as much as I once was, but I still love to know that people are here. I love all my readers- those who have been here from the beginning, and those who just showed up! So say hi if you'd like. Maybe I'll do something special for people posting... hm... I made need to brainstorm that one...

So for now, I'll leave all you lurkers and voyeurs with a couple pics that feel very voyeur to me. :)

xoxo
Princess Kelley

Shadow Lane: Thursday

Note: I apologize that this is so horrendously written. I forgot how much I hate writing play by plays! How long they take, how horrid I am at the writing style... this is why I do vlogs, lol. Which I will most likely be returning to...

Hey Team,

Sorry for the delay in Shadow Lane posts! I can't believe I've already been home a week! I was rather vampire like last week and the days seemed to just disappear. But I am excited to share the details of my wonderful adventure in Vegas with y'all. It's a rather long saga, as mine always are, so let's start at the beginning.
(Wait, Kelley's typing a post??? Really?? Yes. Really. lol)

(haha, so started this three days ago, then got busy, so trying again... I really am going to forget everything if I don't do this now..)

So, Thursday is, at this point, the day that I remember the least well, and that I know for a fact was also the most emotionally fraught.
Overall, I feel that I did really well at this party. I was nervous going in, as it was my first time going to a big party by myself. Sure, I went to TASSP by myself. But really, I was in the party suite, and running the whole thing. I had essentially over 150 roommates!

Part of my worry was that so much of what I remember of last year's Shadow Lane (outside the epic drama that was Paul's arrest) was the time I spent in my room with my roommates (and playing with Ralph and Keith of course, lol). So I was concerned about how I was going to manage my time, and how I would handle my social anxieties.

As I said, I feel I did really well overall. I had an amazing time. Not the most memorable or amazing party for me, but TASSP was so epic this year, and Shadow was so epic last year (as was 50 Freaks), that it would have been hard for this to live up to the hopes and dreams.

I did, however, get a staggering amount of casual play.

So another reason Thursday is so hazy (besides being two weeks ago), is that I was really fucking tired. I stayed up packing until way late the night before (40 pairs of panties and two tutu's made it in before any actual clothing), and had what was an early flight for me. So after a long, but decent flight on Southwest later, and I arrived in Vegas Thursday around 1.

After getting my bags, I met up with FLAPaddler (Johnny) in the airport. We had been talking quite a lot over the summer since TASSP, and I was so excited to see him. Probably more excited than I was about seeing almost anyone. He happened to be arriving at the same time, and was waiting for Sarah to come get him, while I waited for the shuttle. Was a nice way to start off my weekend.

A couple hours later I found the shuttle that just so happened to contain Richard Windsor, Prux, and cutieOTK, as well as a nice gentleman from Canada! Richard and I know each other by reputation and from casually meeting at other parties, but haven't actually gotten to spend much time together. It was great to see a familiar face at this stage in the journey, and was lovely to chat a bit with him. Prux and Cutie I had never met, but had heard plenty about. They were adorably decked out for their first Shadow Lanes, and I was so happy to meet them! They are both a delight! Super sweet people.

Stephanie Locke in our room,
Shadow Lane 2012

So, got to the hotel. Hadn't eaten all day. Was going to pass out from exhaustion and hunger and yet wanted to see people immediately. But I decided to be a good girl and actually unpacked my entire suitcase! (memories of the Stephanie Locke coming into our room last year and accidentally getting a pair of my panties that were lying on the floor stuck to her foot will never leave me, lol). After not being able to find anyone to eat with, I made myself go downstairs and eat a quick lunch/dinner, before heading back upstairs.

I ended up catching Sarah, CTphotographer and Johnny as they were headed up to their room, and went to chill with them for a bit. It was so good to see Sarah. I have missed her, and seeing her at Shadow Lane was really important to me. Last year's SL was where we really bonded and became sisters, and so spending time with her was comforting and nice. She and  Johnny were headed out to Cirque, but Johnny gave me a few swats with a new strap that he'd been messing around with (teasing me was I think how I put it). Nice way to start things off.

After that I believe I went ahead and went up to Joe and Ten's suite to start partying. Thus, amazingness began.

With Alex Reynolds at the
Vendor Fair on Friday

Immediately when I walk in, I get squealing hugs from OTKdesire, who I had missed greatly, as well as her wonderful main man Stonehand, the one and only Zoey and her great guy, itsnature. Also got to see Alex Reynolds again, which was great since we had just gotten to really hang out one on one for the first time the week prior when she was visiting Dallas. I know I am forgetting people who were there... I just can't remember when I first saw everyone again...

The first play I got of the party actually was from someone I hadn't met before, Kor-E. I really didn't intend to do much play outside of people I knew already. I had a list, it was long, and I was going to check it off. But Kor-E is, shall we say, rather yummy. :) Lol. And he gave a really great hug! And he asked. So I said yes. :) Got a really nice warm-up and then some great strokes with his leather belt while laying over chairs in the main room.  I was pleased.

More hanging out. More happy. Joey arrived- he's still one of my favorite people ever. I also got introduced to a bunch of new people including getting re-introduced to Korey and James Johnson, who were co-hosting with Joe and Ten, and whom I had met briefly at last year's TASSP. I ended up spending pretty much my entire weekend with them, so there's lots more on that to come...

Then Oak finally made it upstairs. It was one of the funniest things I had seen actually. Suddenly there was squealing, and girls were disappearing into the entry hall, where he had to go through a line of hugs to make it inside, lol. Oak was also someone I had talked with some since TASSP and was very excited to see. He was beyond sweet to me at both parties... and there is more to say there.

He actually made me finally feel safe when he got there. Gave me the biggest hug and a kiss on the cheek, and just seemed to know that I was all frazzled. Anywho, so we all get swept down to dinner somehow (even though I've already eaten) to go to TGIF's downstairs. Our obnoxiously large group made it into the back room, where we proceeded, I'm sure, to be horrible guests, lol. But it was a great time. As always, some of the best parts of these parties are the times when you're just hanging out and talking... Got to know James and Korey better, as well as talk to Oak, Joey and Alex... it was a great time. Table brimming with too many people to name, all of whom were lovely.

Went back upstairs, and was pretty immediately spanked by Oak, lol. Which, needless to say, was wonderful. I actually ended up feeling really guilty about monopolizing him throughout the party, and tried as the weekend progressed to stay away from him as best I could. I pretty much failed, but I am certain that Oak is one of those people that would never say he was annoyed or bored, and I felt like I had a good connection with him at TASSP, and didn't want to wear out my welcome. Pretty sure I did anyway, but ...

So we had a great scene. Just a simple spanking- nothing too fancy.

Party keeps going, people keep arriving. Jersey John arrived. John makes me laugh so hard. He is Ralph's best friend, and Ralph and I have, of course, become incredibly close over the past year. And John is the one who originally introduced me to him at last year's SL. And he will NEVER let me live that down! lol. He will tell the story of me gushing over meeting Ralph and Keith to anyone who listens!

And John had not previously spanked me. Last year, I actually got kinda upset that he never spanked me, and I remember talking to Ralph about it after. I asked "does John not like me? I was bratting at him all weekend and he never once spanked me??" His reply was something along the lines of "no, he really likes you. I think he was just trying not to cock block." :D

So after laughing about that and how John feels guilty sometimes for perving my pictures on FetLife since I'm so young, and him giving me stupidly effusive compliments, he finally spanked me. :) He as amazing, big, hard hands, and it was a fun playful little scene that I was very happy about.

My left ear. :) For Joe.

Almost immediately after that I grabbed Joe, and said I wanted a spanking from him! I consider Joe to be one of my best friends in the spanking scene. He is such a kind, steady person, and I'm so happy to have him in my life. So Joe starts spanking me, and then starts going off on what would be his an my running joke the entire weekend. He was teasing me about how often I was Kinky and Popular and joked that "if I took a picture of your left ear it would go K&P!" After it stuck, I obliged him with his left-ear love. 38 other people seem to agree with it, lol. :)

It's a Thursday, so pretty basic spankings all the way around. No body wants to get played out.

So Thursday is the midnight flogging event, and it's getting pretty close to midnight. I was actually really distracted at this point, because my sciatica started acting up earlier that evening (probably from sitting on the plane for so long), and I was in so much pain I was about to cry. And the hosts had decided that to accommodate more people, we would do the flogging event bent over couches in the living room. Which was really smart. Except I couldn't bend over.

But regardless, I wanted to start. Got tired of waiting a few minutes before midnight, and just decided to strip, much to everyone's amusement. What? I'm impatient. I was joined by many many others, and we all started getting flogged.

Unfortunately, the pain became overwhelming for me, and I had to step out. I became very upset then because I don't like missing out on things, and I was so angry at my body for not doing what I wanted it to do. I was tired, in pain, and missing out. Not a really good combination. Apparently I must not have been doing a very good job masking my emotions because multiple guys came over to me asking if someone had hurt me. So sweet. Unfortunately though, no, my body had just hurt itself.

After the flogging ended, I don't remember all that much. I have written down on my list that Oak spanked me again, which I do remember. He could tell I was upset, and wanted to help I think. Like I said, too sweet for his own good, and I monopolized him.

So then, this is where things got a bit messier. I decided that I was really tired, and that at about 1:45, I was going to call it an early night. I set up for a bedtime scene/spanking with someone close to me, said my goodnights, and headed to my room. Got ready for bed. And waited. And waited. And waited.

They never showed.

I was pretty devastated. In a ton of pain, and emotionally frayed. Strung out from the party and emotion of it all. Was feeling very alone in my bed.

So I decided instead to head back upstairs. To just push past the deliriously tired, because I was not about to be crying/upset in my room by myself when there was a party going on full of people that I loved right upstairs.

I was in a total fog when I got up there. Just almost catatonic. James actually asked me to play, and I went with him, wanting to, but called it off when he started negotiations and I realized I lacked the cognitive function to negotiate with someone for the first time.

Wandered in and out of rooms, talking. Then wandered into a room with Kor-E, Cutie, Oak, and I believe this great girl I met during the party named Joey (not to be confused with the great guy Joey I know and love). They asked what I was doing back upstairs, I explained. They sympathized, and hugged. Cutie, however, was the most amazing thing ever! She just wasn't having any of it. lol. She was horrified, and determined that I should get my bedtime spankings. She then recruited Oak, saying "he gives great bedtime spankings!" "I know" I replied smiling, remembering fondly the one he gave me at TASSP, but kinda also feeling like, oh don't put him on the spot like that! I have already taken so much of his time.

He, or course, being the doll that he is, took my hand and led me down to my room, where he gave me the perfect bedtime spanking. I slept well. Peaceful and content. Happy to be in Vegas. Determined to not let the small negatives overwhelm the huge positives....

Friday to come next (I might do it in a vlog, bc omg this is long and took forever, lol). Don't worry, I have more pics from the other days- though not as many as I would like in general. :(

xoxo
Princess Kelley

Hey Team!

So I am currently on my flight home from Shadow Lane, aggravated because I can’t leave my seat to get my laptop, so I’m typing this on my kindle, so tired the idea of feeling exhausted sounds like a pleasant improvement, and beyond sore! Sitting would not have been on my short list of chosen activities for today certainly.

I’m going to do a blow by blow for each day of the party ASAP, but now doesn’t seem like the best time. So I will give you a summary with high points at for the moment instead.

Upon last count, I received 42 separate spankings this weekend. Probably around a dozen of those were what I would consider to be “full scenes.” I cried actual tears (or more accurately, bawled my eyes out), during a scene for only the second time ever, and for the first time in a scene that wasn’t discipline.
I made new friends! (One couple in particular, who are kinda my new favorite people ever) I rekindled and strengthened a bunch of amazing old friendships.

I played with Keith again. ;)

I danced like a crazy person. I laughed more than I have in months. I did the two best role play scenes I have ever done. I slept barely any, and ate little more than that. I wore a tutu, ripped a ball gown, actually sat on a pillow, had my left ear molested, won my court case, successfully roomed by myself with little angst, and colored a very exciting dragon.

And I unsuspectingly got closure on a conflict that has plagued my heart for the past three years. The biggest regret in my entire spanking history was resolved, to my complete and utter surprise. And I couldn’t be happier.

Xoxo
Princess Kelley

"The Dance"

Hey Team,
Oh wow! I knew it had been a long time since I posted, but I didn't realize it had been over a month! So sorry! Will do better, I promise. I have lots to tell you about.

So I am supposed to be asleep right now- got sent to bed at 11:30 tonight because of an early morning meeting (bedtime is a well established 1 AM normally)- but it's just not happening. In bed, can't sleep. And my brain is just running and running, like it always is, and as is the case many nights, I came up with the idea for a blog post! :) Most nights this happens, and I will write somewhere from half to the entire post in my head before falling asleep. I think sometimes I forget that I didn't actually write them, which is why nothing ever ends up here anymore! lol.

Anywho, so I was having a discussion with my top friend (discussion of him, Brett, friends, school, and the rest of my life in another post to come soon) about him being strict with me. Whether or not I like it (I really really do), whether or not it would preclude our wonderful banter and my general bratiness or not, etc. He is of the belief that trying to get my to stop being a brat is trying to get me to stop being me. An idea of which he is not a fan, and neither am I, so yay! Anyway, so I said, the way I see it, it's like a dance:

Dance 1: "The classic"

Top: Asks/tells bottom to do something, please.
Bottom: Says they don't want to and/or protests/whines
Top: Threatens bottom with consequences
Bottom: Bottom protests/whines/squirms; stays stubbornly silent or protests the unfairness of it all (this step is often perfunctory, but in my opinion mandatory. You have to at least pretend you don't want to be in trouble!)
Top: counts or says something to give bottom just 1 more chance (seriously, only one. If that. This step is optional)
Bottom: continued refusal, or a flat out no.
Top: Consequences happen.

Dance 2: The "wham bam thank you ma'am"

Top: Do this now.
Bottom. NO!
Consequences happen.

Dance 3: "The Re-Focus"

Top: asks about progress regarding something getting done.
Bottom: admits not much has happened, or squirms and pleads the 5th
Option A:
Top: Get it done now or blank will happen.
Bottom: Chooses to mind or not, consequences follow accordingly.
Option B:
Top: Consequences happen for not having already been working, and to get focus back.


All of these are perfectly acceptable options which give the bottom an opportunity to get out the hollow but necessary protesting. We all do the dance, even if not in these forms. The dance where we pretend that we don't really want to be spanked. Of course we do! Even if I am not in a position to be spanked right then, maybe I am just wanting some strict attention, or a push back to focus. A bit of corner time or bare bottom time on my couch, or anal punishment or line writing or whatever it is that floats your boat... doesn't matter! Just some sort of push back.

I usually need at least one refusal or bit of fuss, even if I'm in the mood to mind. Just to keep up appearances! But after that, if I'm still refusing or fussing, I'm needing a firmer hand. And unfortunately I have found, that when I'm allowed to get away with too much, I tend to get really REALLY disrespectful, disobedient and out of hand. If you keep telling me how bad it will be for my bottom next week, but aren't giving me anything concrete in that moment, or being incredibly direct with me in your commands... um a "fuck you" might have come out of my mouth this week... (that did NOT bode well for my bottom today btw).

I do get frustrated also though when people don't abide the basics of the dance. When no fuss at all is accepted. I am not a robot or a dog. I don't ask how high when told to jump. I am a good girl at heart and want to be, but I need to pretend not to be!

And it's true that sometimes when asked "do you need a spanking?" or "are you looking for a spanking?" or "you know you're cruising for a spanking right?" my response will be like in the old classic, Beauty and the Bandit, of a simply screamed "YES!" But most of the time I will lie through my teeth! "No!" 'How dare you?!" "you wouldn't dare!" and lots of squirming and silent scowls are my response.

As they should be. Because that's the dance.

xoxo
Princess Kelley

Pain Processing

Hey Team!
So I recorded this two weeks ago, immediately following a play session with a friend of mine. I was post TASSP crashing, and needed some attention and spankings. (Though I suppose that's not really any different than my constant state of being...)
Anywho. So as I was being spanked, and right after, I was thinking about different implements, and the different pain sensations they create. More specifically, about how I process the differing pains, and how my processing leads to different emotional/physical reactions.
I was initially planning to type it out, but was pretty sub-y and was feeling lazy, lol, so I vlogged it instead.

Just posting this now because originally I was going to be finishing (re: starting) my typed TASSP report, as well as a couple other posts, and so I was saving this for another day. And then I just forgot about it completely! lol. Thankfully, I remembered it, and so here it is! Would love to hear what other people think on this subject. I am barely cracking the surface on it!




xoxo
Princess Kelley