Ouchie!

So I figured that it was about time to post something clearly spanking on here. I just had the most horribly stressful school week I've had in years, and finals are about to start, but I think I deserve a bit of a break to blog, don't you?! ;) So I meant to finish and post this last week after I got that mega spanking, but I was a good girl and did my work first. But here it is...the explanation of the bruises.

I've been going through a lot lately. Both from the stress that always accompanies the end of a sememster and also from some changes in my relationships. My bf (we'll call him M) is in law school, and his exams are coming up so he hasn't had a lot of time for me lately. I don't blame him- I know it's not his fault- but he hasn't always handled the situation well, and I can't help but feel neglected some of the time. And all the stress has been building for weeks, and I've been falling way behind due to my worst flaw- procrastinating. When I get too stressed, and everything just feels overwhelming I just take a break. I don't do anything. It's really not effective, but it helps keep my mental sanity. What (obviously) would be better, would be to get a spanking to help relieve some of the stress, so it was tolerable and also to motivate me. But that hasn't been an option of late.

But then an opportunity arose (and after a few fights that I won't get into yet) I was able to see my bf last Wednesday before I went home for Thankgiving. So I got up early (too early) and went over to his apartment. I promised him that I would only stay an hour b/c he had to study and I had class and needed to pack, so I set the timer on my phone and after a much needed hug and some kisses, we got down to business.

One thing my bf is really good at doing is lecturing. He is one of the few people I have met that can out rationalize me and therefore can make me really realize what i've done wrong. But in this instance, very little lecturing was needed. He basically told me that we'd had this converstation many times before, and that from the very first time we met, he said that I wasn't living up to my potential and that he was going to make sure that I did. And that this time he was going to make sure I learned my lesson.

He and I had been talking recently about how he was feeling frustrated because he felt that my bad habits and behavior wasn't improving because he thinks I like the spankings too much. And to an extent he's right. I have a Very high pain tolerance (I've never cried from the pain of a spanking and only once from the emotion- though I've "sobbed" from the emotion many times) and I do LOVE spankings.

So he told me that he was going to push me to my edge and probably past because he needed to make sure I got the message.

When I know I need and want a punishment I fall into my submissive mode very easily. It's all "yes sir" and "no sir" very quite and very obedient. The exact opposite of me in real life. So I obeyed easily when he told me to take off my pants and get on the other side of his chair. I was wearing a black thong, and I don't wear thongs much. I LOVE panties and have TONS but M really likes thongs so I wear them around him some. But there is something about a thong that makes me feel very exposed. I am not a shy or modest person and I have no qualms about being around people in a bra and panties at all. But a thong for some reason is different. I am very concious of the fact that my backside is exposed even though the rest of me is covered (this fits in my exposure theory I'll share later).

So anywho, I was eager to get over his lap, and incredibly eager to get my spanking even though I knew it would suck. I'd been craving it for almost 2 weeks. He started out with his hand, still lecturing some. Then he moved to one of the hairbrushes. We have 2- one big wooden paddle brush that is pretty light and one very small but very heavy one. He started with the lighter one, and I was definitely feeling it, but I'm pretty quite, b/c honestly it didn't hurt That much. Then the heavier one. Some discomfort but not a ton. Then up and in the corner I went. He told me I wasn't done obviously. Then back over his knee for more with the brushes. Then back to the corner.

I knew it was coming. The belt. But I was NOT looking forward to it. Unlike many woman, I have no affinity for this leather object. I will go into why later but I typically think of it as being cold and brutal, and for me spanking is about love and caring. But M is REALLY good at the belt. And when he does it it hurts more than anything. And he also knows it's one of the only things that is pure punishment for me.

So he laid me across the edge of his bed, a pillow under my hips, and he just started going. Normally he gives me a number and has me count but not this time. I think I got around 80 strokes, 5 one side, 5 the other. It was HORRIBLE! I was cringing and crying out from the 5th one. He had me count the last ten, and tell myself that I would do better after every one. By the end I was breathing very heavily and having to keep myself together. And back in the corner I went.

He was done. I knew he was. But I wasn't. It wasn't enough, I still felt guilty and I wasn't in a good place yet. I hadn't been punished enough. So when he got me out of the corner and held me in a hug I whispered that I needed more. He sighed as though he knew (this has happened before). And he looked at me and said, "Kelly, I normally wouldn't give you this choice, but I want to know what you need. Do you want to go back over my lap or over the bed?" "....I need the pain" I whispered in reply. He nodded and said "back over the bed then." I got back in position but instead of picking up the belt first, he picked up the light hairbrush. But from the first Very hard swat I knew it was going to be bad. The belt had tenderized my butt to the point that a flick would hurt and he was just going at me with that brush. Then after about 50 he stopped and picked up the belt. I was having a hard time now but was breathing deeply. He started in on the belt and I was dying. Every stripe was fire and the flick on the end felt like a punch. I knew i was bruised and swollen already.

Another reason I hate the belt is that it's hard to control and on occasion he hit too high and there is nothing like that pain. Then also it sometimes wraps around and those bruise so quickly and make me squeal! I think spanking on the spanking surface only is very important. But those side hits hurt so much and i almost always reach back. But M get's in a rhythm. He scolds and tells me to stop reaching back. But one time he didn't stop in time and the tips of my fingers got hit. Fuck it hurt! He didn't stop though and i got 75 more or so. Then he picked up the brush again but this time i pulled him down next to me on the bed when he spanked. So I was on the bed but i was wrapped in his arm and could feel his body next to mine. And I grabbed onto his sweatshirt with my hand when it became to much. He pushed me to the edge. I was very close to tears and it was becoming very very very painful. And then he stopped. He sat with me for a bit and then placed me in the corner one last time.

But it still wasn't enough. I think part of me wanted to see just how far I could go, but a bigger part just needed this punishment to count. And I had been so close to the edge.... I just wanted the release. So as he hugged me I whispered that I think I needed a bit more but "No more belt though please! please no more belt!" "Are you sure?" Honestly, I wasn't. "I trust you.....but if it's too much........I trust you." He kissed me and nodded and placed me over the pillow and got the brush and sat next to me.

SWAT SWAT "AHHH Ok Ok I changed my mind! I changed my mind!" "what?" "i changed my mind, I don't need any more" I pleaded frantically. The time in the corner had been just long enough to let any lingering numbness wear off. "Haha. Nope. You're getting this. I'm going to make sure that you get your release and this lesson is learned." I grabbed back at him as he kept swatting hard and fast in the dead center of my cheeks. He grabbed my hand in his with his free hand and I just collapsed. It hurt more than any spanking ever had. I probably got 50 more with the hairbrush.

He helped me up and hugged me and then sat down and had me sit on his lap (one of my favorite after punishment care places). I just hugged him and started sobbing (not crying...though I did have a few tears during the spanking). Then he laid down with me and after I was feeling better, I felt SO much better. All of the bad thoughts and feelings I'd been having were gone. All of the guilt, the stress. Gone. All of the self-doubt and self-destructive thoughts that had been plaguing me were silenced. Like never before. I guess that's what a real punishment feels like.

Plus my backside was SO swollen and tender and I could feel where the bruises would be. And I looked in the mirror and then shocked exclaimed "You never even took down my panties!" :)