Who the hell am I?

Well that’s a very good question.

The basics:

My name is Kelly and I am 19 years old, and I’m a sophomore at a prestigious university studying art history, history, and psychology. I’ve been interested in spanking since before I can remember, though I was never spanked growing up. I, like many spankos, spent hours looking through the dictionary, encyclopedias, and books that had spanking scenes just absorbing as much as I could. Unlike many spankos though, I luckily discovered the internet at the age of 9, and soon after discovered the wonders that appear when you type “spanking” into a search engine. Lol, I remember the day I turned 18 and went onto a site and clicked the "over 18" button and laughed that what I'd been doing for 8 years was finally legal!... but I digress.

Spanking has consumed the vast majority of my thought and energy for most of my life. I got in a bad habit early on of lurking on sites as a result of being underage for so long and trying to avoid being caught, but since going away to college and turning 18, everything has changed completely. I decided that waiting was no longer an option last spring (after some serious procrastination issues and some self destructive behavior), and I met a man online through Shadow Lane, and I got my first spanking ever.

To say the experience was life changing is more than a bit of an understatement! My life has done a 180. He's 43 and lives 200 miles away. And he's become so important in my life, and I love him more than the world. He's my Daddy. But for obvious reasons, he and I can't ever really be together, though I would love to be loved by him til I die. But during his and my relationship (phone convos, emails, and a visits every 3 weeks or so) I've gotten very into the spanking scene and environment (posting on sites, advertising, and the like) and I've made quite a few great friends (who also can give a good lecture when I decide I don't want to do my homework). It's amazing the connection you can have with someone once your biggest secret is not only revealed, but shared. Recently, I have also come to start seeing a guy just a couple years older than me, who lives near me, and is a spanker. So I now am the luckiest girl in the world, with a daddy who loves me and a new budding relationship with an amazing guy.

I’m interested primarily in domestic discipline spanking, and that is what I want in a relationship. I am a strong, intelligent, fiercely independent and fiery young woman, but sometimes I get tired of always being in control. For me, I need the limits, I need the structure- I crave it. It centers me, calms me. It gives me freedom. I love having boundaries in which I know I can play freely, completely uninhibited, never worrying about what I might do or say, or how he’ll react. I’m free to be myself, completely and truly as I am. I can be a spoiled brat, or an intellectual powerhouse or anything in between. I’m still loved and cherished no matter what. And I know that if I push on those boundaries too much, or go outside of them, that I won’t be abandoned and left to my own devises, but rather that there is someone there, always there, who can pull me back in. I tend to push and push and push, trying to find someone’s breaking point- expecting there to be one, when eventually they will stop caring and give up. But I need someone who is strong enough to push back…..

Now that I’ve tasted what it’s like to be with a true disciplinarian, I know I can never return to vanilla relationships, and that’s a scary thought. I often feel like I’m living 2 different lives, and in many ways I am- the life of a normal college student and the life of a girl that is in love with spanking! I feel like this blog will both help me sort through some of the thoughts that still confuse me, and the tribulations that I’m (as a teenager) bound to go through. But also, I’m hoping to make some new friends. As I’ve come out more and more in the spanking community, I’ve found that I’ve been welcomed with open arms, and that is really a remarkable feeling. To be accepted for whom I am in my entirety- it’s not something people experience every day. And while sometimes it makes the duality more pronounced, other times it reminds me that one day I’ll merge the gap. That it can be done. And that gives me hope. :)

The best word to describe me is probably intense. I am incredibly passionate in everything I do; I love life, and live it to the fullest. I am peppy and outgoing, loud and outspoken. I’m very smart, but I have a huge procrastination problem. I’m quick to smile and I love to laugh, but I have quite the temper, love to argue, and I am fiercely protective of the ones I love. I’m bisexual, and trying to figure out how being a sub with a guy and a switch with a girl works. I’m a singer, and I love music and art. I’m a student, and a spanko, a brat and a sub. I’m dominant in life, and submissive in sex. I’m aggressive and I fight for what I want. I’m everything and nothing. Basically….

I am me.